I know this is not a replacement for therapy or self-reflection, but I thought it would be a good idea at least to talk through it. I'm a virgin and currently in my second relationship with some sort of intimacy. My current relationship has gone on for around 7 months. Right before this relationship, I was in a 2-year-long relationship. That relationship all around was not good for either of us. We were constantly sad with each other. My ex was also a virgin and, terribly, had been traumatized by her father when she was young (not assaulted, he watched her when she showered). So, it was very difficult for her to overcome any boundaries of intimacy, but with time, she became more relaxed and felt more comfortable with us doing mostly everything we could without penetration. I tried showing her she could receive pleasure and happiness from intimacy, and with time, she opened up to more and more activities including giving and receiving oral and some gentle bondage, spanking, etc. She reached orgasm fairly easily, but I could not orgasm from what she did, for some reason. I did my best to overcome my own ego, because I often felt rejected and undesired, and I felt like no matter what I did, she would never actively want to have sex with me. Like if I never brought it up, she would never initiate it. So, I did my best to ignore that feeling and just keep making her feel good, but I always wanted to have sex with her, and towards the end of the two years, she even said let's try having sex, and we kind of fumbled around with it and failed. But I still felt like the only reason she proposed it was because she wanted to give me some pleasure (since I could not get off from what she was doing manually and orally) and not because she wanted to have sex. Like she was doing it for me and not for herself in the least. Then, I broke it off with her, which was very difficult, but I saw no way of continuing that relationship. Since then, she has told me that she wants to have sex with me, but of course, that does not really change anything.

I admit that I should not have ran into another relationship right away, but when I met my current girlfriend, I immediately felt an escape from all the sadness I had experienced over the last two years. We have much more in common and a much better time together. She is also a virgin, so I also wanted to show her that intimacy is a good thing in life. We are also comfortable with touching each other. I have gone down on her, she hasn't on me - but I am totally okay with that. I genuinely like everything we do with my current girlfriend, and I would say we have pretty good chemistry, but I do not actively want to have sex with her. I am totally relaxed without it and not sad about it and not really waiting for it. She gives great feedback - she is comfortable with admitting that she likes what we do. I genuinely feel like we are being nice to each other and valuing each other's bodies and needs. There is just a part of me that feels weird about not desiring her the same way I desired my ex. Like I could not look at my ex without getting hard, whereas I can lie in bed with my girlfriend all night and not get horny at all.

After all this, I really do not want to have sex as some perfunctory action. I would rather live without it. I am kind of at a crossroads where I am weighing the following options:

1. Should I accept that this is a part of life and sometimes you give up that desire for all the other positive things in the relationship?
2. Should I hope that the more intimacy we share with my current girlfriend, the more I will start to desire her eventually?
3. Should I break up with her and try to get back with my ex or look for someone new or just be alone?