This is mainly a throw away but I’ll probably just post some updates here and there. PS this has a decent amount of text.

So unlike the common theme around here I am not someone who struggles to get the opportunity to get laid and lose my virginity (not trying to undermine anyone), however my main problem is not following through or actively avoiding having sex.

This changed today where I decided since it was a new year I’d like to lose it or at least gain some sexual experience. So I decided to hit up someone I had been talking to, to see if they would be down to meet up and see what happens.

Long story short, we ended up getting a bit frisky and they offered to give me a bj, and as I decided I might as well explore my more sexual side I accepted the offer. The problem came at this point, in which I just couldn’t get into it, like it definitely wasn’t bad on their part, it was more of a issue with me not really vibing with it and subsequently not being able to get hard, it might be because it’s a new sensation or experience I really don’t know.

Anyway after a few minutes of this I decided to not continue and asked them to stop as I just couldn’t get hard. They were surprisingly cool with this and after a while of hanging out, I decided to head home.

For my first time it really wasn’t the best (as it shouldn’t be) but I just feel like I could have done much better or at least didn’t mess up as bad. The scene replays in my head a little as I kinda do beat myself up about it a little but it is what it is.

I am planning on meeting up with someone who’s been interested in me for a while and wanted to reconnect and spark up a relationship or potentially a friends with benefits dynamic in a couple months which we have both discussed, so hopefully this time it will be much better, however I do not mind taking another L as there are plenty of opportunities out there.