Hey guys 23M here. Being a virgin really hurts and gives me a lot of depression. I really want to have sex with someone who wants to have sex with me. I don't want to pay an escort as they don't care about me, they just want the money. I want legit, genuine sex. Sex with someone who is attracted to me and wants to be intimate with me. I don't want it to feel like the sex is transactional or out of obligation. I want to have sex with someone who wants to have sex with me. I chase the feeling of being desired and being wanted way more than the sex itself. Knowing that someone wanted to have sex with me for no reason other than they feel turned on around me.

Despite all this, I never feel safe telling anyone how it makes me feel. I have friends who know I'm a virgin, and they don't care. They just give generic advice such "spit some game bro", and "rizz em up" on the rare occasions it has been brought up. I like my friends, but I could never tell them, my family, or anyone close to me how being a virgin affects me. I feel like sex is such a pathetic and stupid thing to care about. I hate how much it affects me, I hate how teary-eyed it gets me. I cry at night feeling like such a pathetic loser for caring and getting depressed over something so stupid that everyone else could care less about and gets so easily.

The desire for being desired and sexual intimacy is strong and only gets stronger. I have suicidal thoughts because of it, but I'm too scared to ever act on them. I just feel so... helpless... worthless... unloved.

Anyone else feel like they can never talk to anyone else or relate to how I feel?