This is mostly a rant… whenever I think about losing my virginity, I get very anxious about being in such a vulnerable state with someone. I’ve always had self esteem issues and a fair bit of people in my life have bullied me about my looks. It sucks and sometimes people’s words are so harsh that it’s almost like people forget you’re human. Nobody was ever openly interested in me and it’s not even like I was being delusional and shooting my shot with really attractive people. So part of that made me seek out hookups over the phone for scraps of male validation because it made finding someone attracted to me so much easier. I’m just very scared that when an opportunity comes, I’m gonna waste it because I was worried about having all my insecurities out there. Please don’t come after me for just not losing weight, it’s difficult for me for various reasons. And I know there are men out there who struggle way more than I do but that doesn’t mean it’s a piece of cake for every woman to lose their v-card. I just want a space to voice my worries and frustration.