Hello,

I'm not sure if this is the right place to do this but I felt I should share some of my thoughts after finally having sex and hopefully this information can be useful to people who are in a similar situation as me.

​

My greatest fear was actually becoming a 40 year-old virgin, so I finally bit the bullet and started hiring sex workers. Prior to this, I never paid for porn, never even been to a strip club, I'm overall a "goodie two shoes" type of person and honestly even to date people who know me IRL probably would never believe that I partake in hiring escorts.

​

I already knew about issues with performance/sexual anxiety for one's first time, so I wasn't entirely surprised that I was hard but wasn't able to cum in my first experience.

However, I went through about 10 women, most of them failed to make me cum, which made me increasingly nervous and worried that I may never be able to have proper sex. I was extremely relieved to finally found two women who were able to make me cum. 1 can consistently do so, the other had very poor attitude despite the success, so I will never visit again.

​

Here are my 2 biggest takeaways:

1) Deathgrip is a real thing and very hard to realize, acknowledge, and admit to. It's very poorly named and poorly described in most discussions, I'm honestly not even sure most people who try to give advice on Reddit, Quora, or other places about Deathgrip even know what they're talking about.

Your grip need not be super tight; If your grip is tighter than the average vagina, that's deathgrip. This is the most simple, straightforward, and intuitive way to look at it. If your mind conditioned yourself to only respond to stimulation that the average vagina is not able to provide, the average vagina is not going to make you cum. (duh)

I kept myself in denial about it every time I read about it. After having a couple successes, reflecting on my own masturbation experiences, take a deeper study to the phenomena, it clicked in my head something critical that completely slipped my mind: I specifically stopped using fleshlights after owning one for a few months, preferring my hand.

This was a huge important realization that I kept making my deathgrip situation worse. Is a fleshlight perfect? No, but it is a good approximation that is legitimately far more similar to a real vaginal intercourse experience than your hand.

Sure, you might have read about tight pussies and women who can clench you until you cum, and tell yourself "well, I'll just date tighter women." The truth is, most women even escorts can't do that for too long. There's no big muscles there, afterall. There's kegel exercises, sure, but vast majority do not have that in their routine and even those that do, the hardcore PSE professional providers, can only do that for short bursts of time.

So no, if you have issues with deathgrip, the solution isn't to count on the woman to compensate for you. You need to recondition your dick and your brain to be able to respond to lighter stimulation.

Invest in a fleshlight if you don't see yourself having sex with a woman in the foreseeable future. Use lighter strokes. Don't get complacent and content with your hand. Don't be like me spending half a year and over 5 figures to learn such such a simple lesson going through depression, insecurity, and all sorts of mindfucks and self-loathing.

2) Work on your thighs. I don't care if you're overweight, if you want to enjoy sex you need good thigh muscles. You may not have sex today or tomorrow, but the last thing you want is to embarrass and disappoint yourself on the day it does happen.

Even the most professional girl with the best PSE I've had could only maintain an intense cowgirl position for a few minutes before needing a break. If you haven't came, like the case with me due to decades of deathgrip, it's going to be your turn to switch positions and do the thrusting. Overweight men cannot expect his girl to do all the work, you need enough thigh muscles to reciprocate.

The most embarrassing, depressing, and disappointing thing that can happen is that you think you're almost there, you want to keep thrusting, but your legs give out and she's confused why did you just stop.

This has happened to me numerous times now; I'm almost there, but my legs don't haven eough strength to keep going from a sedentary lifestyle for 20 years. I really wish I had sex when I was younger when I was super fit, but at least now I have actual motivation to hit the gym and this has made me view people who do strenuous leg exercises in complete new light.