Growing up I always felt invisible in school, public, etc. but I never exactly knew the reason why. I seen other girls my age that had friends and just people in general who would be nice or kind to them just because.

I’ve struggled with low self esteem/confidence since I was maybe around 8-9 years old but I could never put my finger on why, so I just assumed people avoided me like the plague because I was just “weird”. I started paying attention to my looks, noticing how the white Hispanic and light skin black girls (I’m black) were beginning to be treated by guys. Meanwhile if they did acknowledge me it would be only to mock or make fun of my looks.

Literally only a few years ago have I realized this is all because I’m not the beauty standard and do not fit it whatsoever. I’m not pretty. It took me having to be degraded by kids in my school, and being practically invisible and seeing the type of women that are put on a pedestal on social media for me to open my eyes. I didn’t realize until fairly recently that I’m actually considered a darkskin woc to most, and that I have very strong Afrocentric features which likely also play a part in my lack of social interactions/romantic relationships.

I know that certain types of black women are showcased and presented to the media as desirable, and they literally look nothing like me, they have thinner noses, lighter skin, looser hair, generally just prettier faces tbh. I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with this revelation because it has tanked my self esteem and mental health in the past few years that I’ve discovered it.