This is a vulnerable post, I hope I don't get taken the wrong way. I'm a senior artist, been working over 14 years now across features, commercials and games. I've been freelancing remotely since before pandemic and I've accepted the constant grind and hustle I live month to month, always chasing jobs even when I'm working. I recognize I've been very fortunate to keep my career going, though it was never easy.

These days I've built a nice network of fellow artists and recruiters. However, there are times where I feel a distinct jealousy (and insecurity) when someone gets a contract with a studio that I feel somewhat worthy of (if not entitled to) myself. This is an ugly feeling... I know that. No one owes me anything, I know that as well.

But when I've worked with a certain studio a few times, but now can hardly get a reply to my emails to the recruiter, and then watch peers of mine get picked up by that same studio for my usual role... it feels bad. I internalize everything, so i immediately think I must have done something to make this studio think I'm not worth re-hiring (even though the jobs always went well, I hit my deadlines, kept a very eager/positive attitude, and I'm fairly certain my supervisor and teammates liked me). I'm referencing something specific in my mind, but I'm really struggling with feeling overlooked or ignored by a studio I once worked for and really enjoyed my time with. It's confusing me and there's not a lot I can do about it other than try and move past my jealousy when I see peers get jobs that I really wish I was getting.

Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it?