Just venting it out to the universe.

I'm tired of trying to do right by others, Trying to be the perfect friend, perfect mentor, perfect teacher, perfect son, perfect brother, the list is unending. All my life I've tried my best to keep others around me happy because I've struggled with validation. I cannot deny that getting that foreign approval gave the inner neglected child in me a lot of pleasure. Not being able to assert myself, not being able to stand my ground, it's handicapped me at my personal and professional relationships. Even then, walking around these egg shells has only caused me disservice. I've realized that no matter what you do, people will always have demands, nobody cares whether you're fatigued, how much you've done for them. They will only see what benefits them and once the social contract you have with them seems to reap less benefits they will cut you out, The context of your struggles remain with you and you only to the outside world you're just another cockroach trying to make it out of this cesspool. We enter into these social contracts sometimes out of needs, sometimes out of duty and sometimes out of nature. When I read that being a parent is a thankless job, I used to scoff at the idea but when I look at my relationship with my folks. They want perfection from me and I want perfection from them and this quest of holding each other to these unrealistic standards we forgotten that we're humans. It's human tendency to see black & white when looking at others but when the time comes to self reflect, all of a sudden a lot of grey appears. When do we start recognizing each other as humans who are vulnerable to human error.

You can never do right by others, You can only do right by yourself. So wear your oxygen mask before you assist your fellow passengers.