So some context: I'm on the autism spectrum, so I'm not great with reading people. I've kinda decided - and my first attempt at it crashing & burning convinced me so - that romance just isn't for me. But also, I'm jealous that people can get that kinda relationship. My two best friends who are married are in a relationship with another couple, my dad & brother all have relationships, everybody's amorous except me. And a few years ago, I probably wouldn't have given a damn, except trying it once gave me the reason. Like I **get it**. I just... actively realize that pursuing it causes more harm than good to all involved.

Meanwhile my friends are all getting a house together. And that might blow up in their faces, I understand that. But I could've been involved in that. I could've finally had *something* resembling a place of my own instead of being stuck with my dad, like so many people in my generation are because boomers caused a fucking "crisis" that made the prices of even apartments fucking unreachable (cuz rent control is "THoShULiZm!1!").

Everyone's where I wanna be, and I can't even say shit. I can't even tell my friends that romance just isn't in the cards for me because every time I do they're dismissive (including the autistic ones!!!). I certainly can't tell them not to... y'know... be happy around me, like what kind of cocksucker does that?!