TL;DR Best friend is toxic but I can’t cut ties because I’m a people pleaser (pushover)

I guess I should start this off with I’m a genuine people pleaser. I have always been one, I get my happiness from making others happy. I met the person most would say is my best friend when I was in first grade. At that time I had a handful of friends and I was the type of kid that didn’t want anyone to feel left out. She was a lonely kid so I decided we’d be friends. Not long after that my parents separated and she understood that pain because her parents were very toxic abusive people that didn’t belong together. So she became my best friend, after that I guess you could say all my other friends disappeared and what I realize now is that she made it difficult to have other friends. If I spent any amount of time with other people she felt threatened. So from second grade to sixth she was really my only friend. In sixth grade I met another girl and we had a bunch in common not long after that I made two more female friends and a guy friend that will always be my most treasured friendship. That’s when my “best friend” started showing out enough for me and others to notice. At my 13th birthday I had her and four other girls over for a sleep over. We were all hanging out on the trampoline talking and joking around and she didn’t happen to be center of attention so she all of a sudden takes off down the road screaming and crying just doing her absolute best to make it about her. This caused one of my close friends to actually ask to go home and her to tell me if my “best friend” was going to be involved that she didn’t want to be invited.

After that day I tried cutting ties with her and we weren’t very close most of high school. Junior year we talked more and I thought maybe it would be different. That is until I found out from a mutual friend that she had slept with the boy that took my virginity and then told me I was a mistake. I was deeply hurt and she didn’t seem to understand why. For some reason I forgave her and we continued to be friends. Even when she went out with another guy I had dated. Flash forward to four years after high school I go through a god awful breakup and we’re spending time together but instead of trying to help me through the pain it’s all about her. All she can do is tell me about how she’s went through the same thing how she’s still dealing with the hurt and basically twisting it around to be about her. I always thought maybe that was her way of trying to say she understood what was going on, but every conversation every time we talked would always have to end up being about her.

We had a falling out because I ended up dating her ex stepdad which I know was a line I shouldn’t have crossed and learned my lesson. Now I’m dating a wonderful man and she’s once again trying to wiggle her way into his life. I didn’t tell her his last name or any contact information and she goes and adds him on Fb messenger and Snapchat trying to talk to him he shuts it down and shows me all the messages anytime she tries talking to him. She then recently messaged me talking about how she was dared the next time she was at my home to sneak into my room if me and my boyfriend were having sex and tap one of us on the shoulder and run out all while recording. I told her no I wasn’t comfortable with that and wanted to know why she was talking about my sex life let alone talking about it to other people and she wouldn’t answer me and she kept pressing for me to let her do it. Now I’m hardly talking to her and I lied the last time she was in town and told her I had to work because she wanted to stay at my house. I honestly just needed a place to vent. It’s hard for me to completely cut ties with people. I hate hurting others and I know she’s probably just thinking she’s being nice.