This is year 2 of no solid foods for me to eat. I have an eating disorder called ARFID(Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, my type is fear of aversive consequences: mine is choking). I was sexually assaulted 2 years ago and I've never been the same. I have a major delay in swallowing and it may be nerve damage due to physical abuse in my past. I had 2 EGD's and each time I only had 1 month where I could eat whatever I wanted and then POOF back to liquids. What the fuck is wrong with me? Is this going to be my life? I can't afford another EGD surgery, because I can't work due to my disabilities and I'm tired of feeling like this is going to be my life.

I was forced into getting an abortion so I wouldn't lose my partner. I feel like a fucking idiot. I went through 1 month of fucking hell and wanting to kill myself constantly. They bumped up my Lexapro to 20mg which is great, but when the grief and guilt hits; you bet your asses I'm crying it out. 💔

Life isn't fucking fair..I will NEVER fucking win..😔💔