Rewrite(condensed version): I met a guy online he kicked me out of his car because I wouldn’t suck him off on camera. My dumb self got back in the car because if I walked to work I would’ve been late to work. I ended up sucking him off on camera while covering my face afterwards he ghosted me saying “you’re only hurting yourself bye” when I asked why wouldn’t he talk to me anymore after I did that for him when I didn’t want to. Note: that was the first guy I’ve ever been with in a sexual way I only gave him oral twice. Guy I lost my virginity to also met online ghosted me and blocked me after knowing he took my virginity(I let him know beforehand so he wasn’t surprised by my inexperience). I’ve only been with 3 guys my whole life. 1 only oral 2 lost virginity and ghosted & lucky number 3 my bf who I’m currently with till this day. Life gets better but I still feel shame for what I did and let happen.