The title sums it up pretty bad. Obviously I'm not a rapist, but I'm actually a product of rape myself. The irony is not lost on me. I also suffer with dysphoria regularly and chronic pain.

I have stangers telling me from time to time that I look like someone who's the poster child for how severe Internet harassment can get. Not helping is the fact I've been actively harassed by an entire cult at this point no less. And yes, said poster child is a rapist herself.

My chronic pain and dysphoria make it feel like I have resin from a weed pipe along my joints, tendons, and muscles, without any loss in mobility range. I feel like everything I do is doomed to be a failure as well.

I've spent over a year and a half trying to do one video detailing how severe my Internet harassment is and it keeps taking longer and longer because of the chronic pain. The dehumanizing I've suffered just to have to defend and clear my own name is nothing short of a lawyer's wet dream of a harassment and defamation lawsuit.

I've had flocks of people tell me in my comments on Tik Tok that I look like a pedophile or a rapist in so many colourful ways. Most notably with telling me I look like a "Discord mod," a "Redditor" (yes, I know, I'm using Reddit but you get what I mean), or comparing my looks to said poster child of Internet harassment.

It feels like nothing I do matters and everything in the world will continue to shut down my ability to live life to start with. I grew up having zero friends, I have been repeatedly abused by women my own age since I was 17, I have been falsely accused of sexual harassment since I was 15 to such an extreme I'm now scared to even approach women (and this was before I realized I'm trans), and I've been abandoned by people for reasons outside my control because of one bad word said about me without any evidence to back it up only for me to provide barrels of proof to my claims and literally everyone just up and declares I must be faking ALL of it.

No, I'm not going to plan or do anything that violates Reddit TOS. But at the same time I don;t know what to do to make it all stop. I just don't want my life to be painful anymore, I don't want to have to be in therapy for everything anymore, I just want my life to be better.