TW: Self Mutilation and Suicidal Thoughts

Yup, I'm a 23 year old portugues male who cuts himself everytime my family (mom or brother) picks a fight with me. I do it out of hatred for myself, because, if no one likes me, why should I like myself. Fuck, I feel like shit all the time, hurt my best friend back in 2018 and she left my life, now, I like a girl and can't tell her that because I'm afraid I'll hurt her too. I wanna get better, believe me when I say it, but every fucking week there's something making me hate myself a little more. Whether is my social life, my job, my family, everything but D&D, Magic The Gathering and Warhammer 40K makes me fucking suicidal, and I can't be relying on those hobbies because it takes up a lot of time from my life. Yes, I'm seeing a therapist, but still.