My children wake up and ask for their father, and then snacks. I tell my husband something is specifically important to me and he watches anime or plays video games while the kids destroy it, then he blames me for not putting it somewhere better. We never go out as a couple because getting a sitter and going out is so expensive and we have no family in the area to help. I have one friend that I feel really close to, but I don't feel like I can talk to her when I'm this low for fear of bothering her, weighing her down or triggering her. I feel like my entire life has been in service to others and I just feel like my only worth is in what I do for others. I love my children, but I feel so alone. There is no romance, but my husband wants to be in the bedroom all the time. I feel empty most days. I know what people say, do something just for yourself, have hobbies etc. I just feel so overwhelmed most of the time. My husband will literally throw wrappers on the floor, leave his clothes anywhere. We've talked about it, but he blames his ADHD on not being able to form habits. I get it, I have adhd too but I'm tired of living like this. I feel like the scene from the first Incredibles movie "You just clean the world up and the just mess it up again." It's not this bad every day but we had a big fight last night and I just never feel like I'm enough. I'm good enough, pretty enough, hard working enough for him to love me the way I want him too, which logically I know is ridiculous but I can't stop thinking that way. I know he loves me, and this is who he is, but I feel like a NPC in his and the kids world who only pops into existence when they need something. I'm just so tired.