Sometimes i just want to kill myself, it could be easier than living in this life

Just a bit about me I am 22 years old, my parents died when i was 13 years old and i lived with my relatives till 18 now i live alone, i started working and doing labor since i was 15 and managed to save up money to go to college, i am still working rn while studying but i am managing somehow

The reason i wanna vent is no matter how hard i work or how much i give attention for people around me i never get appreciated sometimes in my workplace i get treated as kid for doing mistakes since most people there are older than me, its so unfair

I do have friends but i dont feel brave enough to talk about these things since in mt culture men are expected to be strong and masculine and blah blah, i dont even enjoy video games as used to before, i feel like everything i liked has no taste now nothing is fun nothing gets me excited or motivated, i hate this feeling its like abandonment i always blamed my parents for leaving me but then it is what it is

I never tried to suicide or hurt myself but these thoughts are going throught my mind alot, i just wanna feel peace, fuck this society and fuck this world i hate it so much, what keeps me going is seeing how other people people having it worse than me so i hold on and be like " there are people having worse life than me and they are managing, i have no right to feel like that" its draining, i never vented to anyone before but its killing my brain so i just wanna let it all out, hopefully i feel a bit at ease

English is not my first language, sorry for any typos or misspells