I know most people would love to have a birthday party, and I’m sorry if you never had one, but I never really wanted one. I remember telling this to my mother and her telling me “We had to because there are people who want to celebrate it”. I know it shouldn’t be a big deal, but forever I just kind of did things because thats the way it was, like I had no say in the matter. And something happy like a birthday party was never really happy for me after that, was just something that had to he done. So I just kept doing what had to be done, trying to make it fun, but it was never really fun. I know it’s complicated for most people, but thats how I saw things when I was a kid.