I feel like a brat and I am a grown ass 23 yo woman and idk why it happened but idk. I have to move to a city and my dad is forcefully sending me from a train which takes 36 hours to reach there. he always wants to save money which is not wrong and I somehow I feel entitled to his money as a 23 yo and I should not but I don't earn much. I don't earn to even book a flight ticket for me.

I can't travel in a fkn train for 36 fkn hrs. last time I did it was awful. I slept all the time bit when I woke up I found a creepy old guy always staring at me but I ignored it because im used to it but I jist can't now I can't travel for 36 hrs it's too much its torture in a train. when I was coming back home I traveled from an airplane for the first time of my life and i was the happiest ngl. I was on top of the world literally and I feel so shallow but idk I hate myself so much I can't even earn money properly as 23yo grown ass lady. people of my age earn double triple of my salary.

I hate myself so much I have to ask my parents to book a flight idk and they do it for me. when I look at my cousin I feel grateful for what my family does for me but I can't stop feeling this way the hate for not being rich enough or having money. my parents always tell me I cant do shit in life and I'll never be able to ive beeen hearing this since I was a child till now. I'm so bad at my job I'm just grateful they decided to hire me but I feel terrible and untalented everytime I log in. idk man I feel very shitty for asking for money ima terrible person and child I don't treat my parents nicely idk I can't help it there is rage filled in me because the things they have said to me and the way they hit me all my life I can't get past that. mu mom just told me im not normal and I said how come u expect to have normal children when their mom is insane.

my dad literally checks my transactions and see where ive spent with my own money and I hate it and i ask me who this guy is where u spent it and i never had privacy I grew up with no lock in my door and they still never knock the door and I donr wanna feel mad when it comes to these things cuz they still pay me sometimes for my lifestyle and overall chill people but I can't forget these things and its making me a bad and angry person and im very defensive now

they try to shade me for m salary too cuz I earn very less and they always kind shade me indirectly and tbh I don't blame em. I am terrible at work too I can't move forward everytime I try I keep Fallin im stuck in this loop to pick my self then going back to square one.

my dad literally is an alcoholic and has his own issues and I feel sad for him cuz he is always so sad wish he could try to save money by not drinking alcohol.