Appreciate any advice here. I'm looking for someone single 30 who is tasteful and really into outfits/costumes. Examples include: Nurse outfits, doctor lab coats, maid, schoolgirl uniforms, collars and cat ears, succubus, crotchless lingerie, cheongsams, kimonos and the like.

They would have to:

• Be classy and tasteful, and understand time, place, occasion.
• Understand consent and respect boundaries
• Be ok with a guardian/ward dynamic both in and out of the bedroom like friend who happens to be staying with her friend's dad for reasons - Birthday Girl bookfan here which is why my ideal partner would be a responsible man with the 'DILF' vibe.
• Meet a baseline level of attraction
• Be DDF (that includes weed and cigarettes) completely, clean and hygenic
• Be single and NOT attached as I'm not looking to be unwittingly part of anyone's act of cheating. Sucks that I have to state this outright but the DMs have proven it necessary.
• Agree to complete privacy and confidentiality - NO: 'audience members'/couples, recording, etc. You'd think that would be obvious with the 'single' mentioned multiple times in my post but I guess basic reading comprehension and respect for my time is something I'm looking for by default as well.
• Know what they want and are into without "looking to explore"
• Not be using a throwaway account with low karma for any personal DMs.

Where would I find someone like that locally and/or what are some subtle clues or hints to figure out if someone on a dating app is open to that without being too obvious and potentially offending them?

Or if you're a cosplayer and know where to source good quality outfits or someone who wants to talk color and accessory/style coordination, I'd appreciate any pointers.

I've been on the apps like Fetlife and Feeld but haven't had much success finding someone that meets what I'm looking for here. If they're all taken by this point, I'd appreciate the heads up too.

Given the personal interest in the DMs, I'll probably only look at those who open with their basic stats and face photo attached.

Thanks in advance for advice.