I've been wanting to actually sleep with my bf for a while now. For the most part the few times we've tried with me laying on my back, it hurt too much for me to really bear it. Idk what compelled me or why I thought it'd be any better but I tried getting on top of him and controlling how he inserts. I positioned his cock and slowly pushed myself down onto him. I was SO SURPRISED that I barely felt it. There was a lot of popping and him slipping out accidentally because we're both new to sex and exploring our rhythms. But eventually we got around.

I can say that there were points where I had him go deeper or I moved too fast where it started hurting again but nothing unbearable that would make me stop. We switched back to me being on my back and I was lubricated enough that it worked that way too. My favorite and best result with zero pain was doggy/from behind. It did something crazy to me.

I think I can say the anxiety and pain of insertion probably stems from a really bad first gyno appointment I had when I was 18-19. The woman shoved a tool up me even though I told her about my virginity. So maybe since me and my bf have always tried using the position you usually are in at OB-Gyn visits, that automatically made me tense and anticipate pain. Putting him in me seems to work better and less scary than him doing it.

All in all I was so happy that I wasn't doomed at only 23. Everytime we've tried in the past and he would tell me "It's okay, we can do something else" it would make me feel really bad. For the most part it's been just me giving him BJs/HJs and not being able to cum even if he tries (I still don't know what works for me when others do it, I'm only able to on my own for now). So now that there's a method and hope that I can cum during vaginal sex, I'm so excited! My drive has always been insanely high so not being able to go wild ever in my life has been so depressing.

I'm still on the side of caution because after, I had a some pain, soreness and lot of cramping especially the next day and still a lil now. Could be because admittedly I can get a lil rough 😂 Crossing my fingers that it'll workout going forth. I'm going to eventually try dialators one of these days to assist with the progress.