I find myself sitting on blood-stained sheets glaring at an outgoing call that clearly isn't going anywhere. Whom am I calling, you ask? Does it have to do with the sheets? No, my friend. Those are two independently life-threatening situations.

Alright, let's start with the fucking sheets, I guess. They're definitely what you're wondering about.

Blood

I'm staying at a hostel in Bogota. It's genuinely beautiful and despite this anecdote, pretty much safe all-around. I'm a digital nomad-- a bi-national blogger/YouTuber to be exact. My modus operandi is to bounce around hostels and pay at a discount for extended stays. It can come out to about $180/month here in Bogota for a PRIVATE bedroom. That PRIVATE freaking room is what I should have gotten at this new hostel I arrived at a couple days ago. But no, I went for the 8-person dorm because I'm just so hardcore like that.

I've stayed at these shared dorms for more than a year and never had a problem. Never even been robbed. This particular hostel, however, seems to have a coke problem. What happened two nights ago is that a cokehead basically barged in thinking he was sleeping here (he wasn't) and proceeded to engage pretty much everyone in the room physically. Someone wound up breaking a bottle on his head, hence: blood.

The violent guy was never directly a threat to me, but it's the frequency with which I find myself in these situations that leads me to believe that I may actually experience a stabbing in my lifetime. Not a pleasant thought, but I'm not the type to die of old age in some hospital, either.

Phone Call

The phone call is actually the more serious problem. It's a health thing. I have super terrible eyesight, see? (lol) And I want to take advantage of the cheap-but-competent Colombian medical system to get me a little Lasik for $100. The problem is that I can't make calls like a normal person. My American number is a liability here. I get a SIM card. Boom. Problem solved, right? WRONG.

Today's errands turn out to involve the use of both the American number and the Colombian SIM. This is an issue because SIM cards are delicate little creatures and you can't be shifting back and forth all day, especially outdoors. I'm not outdoors right now, but this situation is still uncomfortably limiting.

The eye problem. Right. So the situation with that is basically that I have to cancel an appointment with my ophthalmologist or face a stiff fine, but the rat bastard won't answer at 10:16 A.M. on a Tuesday and I have other important calls to make with the American number. I'm writing this to give him and his secretary some time to open up shop (I guess??) Asshole.

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I'm not asking for advice or anything. This is rant. Thanks. Hope to have entertained you and made you feel better about your own stuff.