I was diagnosed with a centimeter and a half penile stricture at the tip of my penis and a case of hypospadias distal. My hole was a few millimeters below the tip. My urologist stated I needed a urethraplasty to correct the stricture and hypospadias distal, and a circumcision to help heal rapidly.

Two weeks with a catheter were a nightmare. Once the catheter came out, I went to work the next day. That afternoon, I began trembling profusely, so much so that I couldn’t control my hands, arms, body, and neck. Doctors at the emergency room said it was sepsis. I was given antibiotics intravenously for four days and sent home with oral antibiotics for a week.

All seemed well until December, I realized that the swelling from the surgery had not gone down. The skin below the gland is swollen. Doctor diagnosed it as lymphedema. He says with proper care, compression, and time, it should go away within six months to a year. And, if it doesn’t, he will surgically remove it.

Now, I had post-op appointment in January 2022. Doctor confirmed that the urethra hole at the tip of my penis is beginning to shrink again. I also had a urine culture that was positive for the overgrowth of enterococcus faecalis. On February 11th, I have to have a urethra dilation with the use of a catheter. He says if the dilation doesn’t do the trick, we can talk about a second surgery to correct the issue and remove the lymphedema.

I just want all of this to be over. The anxiety of getting sick with sepsis again, or having difficulty urinating or performing sexually as I get older dwells on me. What’s more, surgery makes me feel maimed, like a care with parts that keep it running but, don’t belong.

I just needed to vent.