it often happens that when the subject of sexual skill arises, a vocal group circulates a particular sentiment. essentially, the sentiment is that if you’re having sex with someone that’s not to your satisfaction, then you must tell your partner in all necessary detail what you need and how to do it. if you don’t, then you’re not doing your part to make the experience and you are, in fact, the problem partner.

i really don’t agree with this. in my experience, there are two types of bad sex: the first kind is when someone with an otherwise normal or above average sexual skill just isn’t on their form. this can happen for any number of reasons to any person, especially folks who are very busy and/or have kids. this is the kind of ‘bad’ sex that can be corrected with guidance, or, if not, simply postponed to a later time. this is pretty common when you’re an adult.

the second kind of bad sex is the kind where your partner doesn’t understand the sexual dynamic, or doesn’t understand anatomy, or in general just doesn’t know how to make a body work. it’s hard to explain exactly what this looks like, and it’s got absolutely nothing to do with physical attributes. i liken trying to guide someone like this through sex as trying to guide someone who couldn’t read through a passage from a book. i can make the sounds and teach them to imitate what i’m doing, but there’s no understanding, and therefore no personality.

sex isn’t just masturbation plus. we have sex with people because they bring personality and passion to the sexual experience that you can’t get alone or with anyone else. it’s extremely intimate and no two people do or experience it the same way. people who have a clear sexual expression are much easier to ‘guide’ because you’re simply calling on a base of individual and unique knowledge rather than building understanding from the ground up.

that being said, some people, for reasons unknown to me as a simple lady, don’t have a clear sexual expression, and those experiences just feel passionless and unexciting. sure, i could instruct you on how to make me finish, but if that’s all i’m getting then i’d rather be by myself

EDIT: I missed something; good sex between good partners DOES INCLUDE FREQUENT COMMUNICATION!