My partner and I have been together for almost 7 years. Our previous relationships and experience differ somewhat. I (M42) have numerous relationships; average length 3 years. Partner (F39) was married for 14 years. We have a great sex life and completely open with each other. In the early days she bought the subject of dogging, and we were both really curious. We would go out of a night time and have fun together in the car with other watching…..it’s was really exciting for both of us. We never invited anyone to join, it was to watch only. I found out that I really enjoyed the exhibitionism of it all.

For sometime I have had a fantasy of wanting to watch her with another guy. We have been to a sex party (last year) and were both like rabbits in headlights. It was probably very obvious that we were new and felt out of our depth. We have talked about going again and considering a party next week. We were approached by another couple and chatted briefly, my partner was clearly uncomfortable, it was as if she froze and did not speak. I think she truly believed that everybody that speaks to someone just wants to jump their bones. For me I’m very curious to how other people got into the lifestyle. That’s what I would be talking to people for and not talking to jump straight into bed with them. She has many reservations and self doubts and insecurities about herself. These are things that I do not see. She is slim and tall and quite frankly beautiful- she doesn’t see what I see. She is really worried that she won’t be able to live up to my expectations of dipping our toe into the lifestyle. She thinks that I would want more from LS and this is something that she is not comfortable with. She is worried that I will be more attracted to other women and stray - intimately risking our relationship. I love her dearly and only want her. My reason for wanting to explore the LS is to experience things together and grow together. I only want her, she is my soul mate and nobody can come close to this girl. She says that she is curious but is scared that it will end badly and ruin our relationship. It’s as if she has a fear of letting herself go; deep down I truly believe that she would really enjoy herself and find herself. For me this is one of the excitements of exploring the LS. There is no denying that I am the instigator with this experience. I will never force her to do anything that she doesn’t want to; but I fear her doing something just to make me happy.

Any help and advice would be hugely appreciated.