It’s your last day of work. You quickly finish your last assignments and prepare to make your final commute home, buzzing with a sense of excitement you hadn’t felt since that time in PE class in 2010 where you played dodgeball while Usher’s “DJ Got Us Fallin’ in Love” was blasting in the school gymnasium. On your journey back, you are hit with a creeping sense of dread. You suddenly realize that you are no longer of use. You no longer have a purpose. By the time you open your front door, these thoughts permeate your head space. “Alexa, 50 mg of serotonin.” You decide to take a shower, stopping to stare at yourself in the mirror along the way. “Man, how did all these years pass?” As the water runs down your shoulders, you get a sudden urge to bust out an 8 clap, hoping to recreate a glimmer of the youthful joy you had on that summer orientation day long, long ago. However, time reigns in its supremacy once again; your old joints are not as flexible as they once were. You slip and hit your head before reaching the climax of your 8 clap. A hologram of Emperor Bezos appears in front of you, ghastly in its appearance as water penetrates through its hollow visage. The hologram lurches forward, teabagging you mercilessly in your final moments of life. “Nothing personal, #5028592, you served the Federation of Amazon well.”