I deleted it all.

No more ruminating over words and arguments to figure out what I could have done better. No more looking at your photos and missing you.

I’m so sorry for how this played out. I never wanted to hurt you.

Here is my truth.

I loved you and I was obsessed with you. I screwed up early and it didn’t seem like no matter what I did would make you happy.

You made our relationship hinge on my sexual performance and then made me jump through hoops to get chances to please you.

You made any normal conversation about conflict impossible.

You degraded and insulted me daily. Compared me to exes constantly.

And worst of all you had to lie and cheat on me all the time and then gaslight me when I’d catch things.

I really tried. You just didn’t want me. I wasn’t enough and that’s where that sentiment came from.

You lied, you manipulated me, you degraded me.

That is my truth.

I wasn’t healthy. I didn’t know how to assert boundaries. I didn’t know when to walk away and when to stay. I’ll be a better person next time around.

It truly makes me sad that you deny any accountability. Tells me you’re going to repeat this patter of self harm and then emotional manipulation in relationships. I hope you really heal and find someone who can make you happy.

I just wish you didn’t have to lie and cheat so much.

Everything you’ve said about me is such projection.

I didn’t feel safe, you abused me. You used me, you lied to me.

You became Justin. All the things you’d say about how you felt with Justin were exactly how I felt.

You may have been abused by Justin but you took it out on me. You treated me like you wanted to treat him.

The easiest way I pull myself out of dark places when thinking about you is remembering who fought to seek couples therapy. Who encouraged the other to tell friends about issues and get second opinions. You would tell people things but leave out every ounce of your actions.

My actions were not OK. What I did was plane and simple reactive abuse.

I’ve given up and using this full moon to cut the cord and let you go.

You know what the coolest part of your insanity is? I know you won’t do anything you’re told to do. So here’s what I’m telling you to do.

Get mental health help Live a happy life Be honest with yourself Be honest with partners Stop the self harm Treat your next partner with respect And make sure to forget about me.