Vetting new partners in the BDSM community is a critical step to ensure safety, compatibility, and trust. Here are some precautions and tips to thoroughly vet new partners:

Background Checks and Online Searches

• Conduct a thorough online search using the potential partner's full legal name and check state-specific websites for safety and well-being.
• Utilize resources such as Google, the National Sex Offender Public Website, and state-specific criminal history information websites to gather background information.
• Reach out to local Police Departments to inquire about looking up someone’s criminal and sexual registry information for safety purposes.

Social Media and Community Engagement

• Engage with social media groups and platforms to stay informed about potential threats and dangerous individuals in the area.
• Check potential partner's online profiles and assess their behavior and interactions with others.
• Inquire about potential partner's involvement in the local BDSM/Kink community and seek feedback from community members.

Personal Interactions and Compatibility

• Ask potential partners a series of questions to assess compatibility, values, beliefs, and boundaries.
• Arrange to meet in public places for initial meetings and consider implementing a safety call and notifying the venue about the meeting.
• Get to know the person behind the Dom title and go out on dates, not just to the playroom.
• Have them pass the friend test by going out with friends.

Red Flags and Safety Protocols

• Pay attention to actions, behaviors, and patterns to identify any potential red flags.
• Be cautious about red flags such as willingness to submit to a stranger, boasting about dominance, ignoring boundaries or safe words, and coercive behavior.
• Discuss your personal kinks and boundaries with this person and make sure you match well in this area.

Consent and Safe Words

• Consent should be freely given, reversible at any time, fully informed, given enthusiastically, and given specifically for the agreed-upon task.
• Establish safe words or signals to ensure clear communication during play.

Community Resources and References

• Join a local community, and only play in front of others or with those who have been thoroughly vetted.
• Methods for vetting potential partners include watching them play at a public play party, asking for references, and seeking information from others in the BDSM community.

Personal Reflection and Boundaries

• Be honest with yourself about your boundaries and what you can and cannot handle, do regular check-ins with yourself.
• Limit the amount of play you engage in, in the beginning, to maintain safety and comfort.

Additional Considerations

• Consider reaching out to past partners for additional insight and references.
• Assess their attitude around safewording & aftercare.
• Assess their understanding of SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) and RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink).

Gaslighting Red Flags

• Watch out for gaslighting red flags such as lying, actions not matching words, shifting blame, confusing praise, and isolation.

By following these guidelines, you can create a safer and more trusting environment for exploring BDSM relationships. Remember to prioritize your safety and well-being, and never hesitate to step back if you feel uncomfortable or unsure about a potential partner.