Ayan. Namatay na ko. Siguro tutulungan mo na ko.

I never forget about that. Na sinabi mo na mamatay muna ako bago mo ko tulungan.

May ilan lang naman ako hihilingin, yung lang yung bukod tanging tulong na mabibigay mo sa akin

Lahat ng maiiwan ko, paki alagaan mo. Please. Pakitulungan sa abot ng makakaya mo.

Si mama at papa, pagtutulungan mo, huwag mo na sumbatan or kwentahan pag tutulungan mo. Wala naman na silang aasahan kasi wala na ako. Nothing's more heartbreaking na laging nasasabihan ng walang utang na loob at hindi marunong magpasalamat.

When I provided for them, they never said thank you. When they did me wrong, they never apologized. But don't talk to them as if may iba pa silang maaasahan, ikaw na lang yung meron sila.

We were never close, but believe me when I say, I never hated you or magalit sayo.

I never understood why you hated me though. I never understood why you always felt the need to put me down. I never understood why you thought I was out to get you.

I remember how you repeatedly told everyone na pinsan mo lang ako sa school natin. How many times you called me stupid. "Tanga" "Tamad" "Mayabang".

How you made me hammer on my guitar, the same guitar you leave on the street kasi ayaw mo kong naririnig mag gitara.

How when we were young, natapon ko yung pancit canton mo sa kitchen floor. Walang tiles so it was all dusty. You made me eat yours, and you took mine.

How you complain na binibilhan ako ng pagkain nila mama pagkatapos ng cheerleading practice ko, tapos ikaw wala--sa bahay ka lang naman galing.

I remember how you injected the antibiotics dun sa IV line ko nang mabilisan kasi hinihiraman ka nila mama ng pera dun sa confinement ko. I remember how you took the syringe from the nurse, and told her na ikaw na gagawa. It was all too painful. Pero si mama at papa, they allowed you to do that because they believed "that you knew better".

The hundreds of photos you asked me to not be in. The videocalls I had to hide so you won't see me. I even ended up peeing sa trashbin kasi hindi ako makalabas kasi kausap ka nila mama sa videocall.

I took all of that abuse, and yet when people ask me, I have always been proud na kuya kita.

How smart you are. How much of a great nurse you are. How you were such a good varsity player. How you trained me to be one. How you wanted to be a professor.

I never hated you. I just stopped asking for you to be my brother.

And that's okay. It's okay na you've convinced everyone sa side ni mama at ni papa na I shouldn't be helped.

It made things even more clear‐ all I had was myself.

Now that I'm gone, I hope you feel the burden lifted off of your shoulders

I hope that makes you happy too.

Sana masaya kayong tatlo nila mama.

I know I don't have to tell you of the hardships I've endured because you don't really care and you won't care. But believe me when I tell you na swerte ka pa kasi andyan si mama at papa. May asawa ka.

People are always willing to help you. I never had that.

Hindi ka nila tiniis, pinagalitan, tinipid, or kinalaban.

Hindi ako naiinggit. I just hope you find it in you to appreciate that advantage you've had ever since.

I hope maging masaya kayong lahat. Yun naman yung goal ko dito.

Yung finally, maging totoong tahimik at masaya kayo.