Being cheated on is such a bummer, really.

We’d all quite like to avoid it happening, but it does happen. No relationship is THAT perfect.

So, is it really a kink, or not? Let me tell you what's on the down low regarding cheating and my thoughts about it.

If it happens, you’re then presented with a tough call:

Do you work things through and try to rebuild the broken trust?

Or do you call off the relationship, call it quits and just move on?

Been giving this advice for years because I want people to understand that cheating isn't something that happens out of the blue.

It's something that builds up over time, makes you snap, drives you over the cliff, and BOOM you find yourself free-falling, no turning back.

Yup, there's NO RESET BUTTON.

But there are three questions I'd want people who get cheated on, ask themselves to be open to introspection, and in turn be able to self-reflect.

1. Did I see this coming?

2. Could I have done anything to avoid this?

3. If I were in the same situation, would I have done the same thing?

If you answered a resounding "NO" to all of the questions, I think you're already going through the first stage of loss... DENIAL.

There are 5 Stages:

Denial.

Anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

Acceptance.

Yup, being cheated on is also a loss. You lose trust, your perfect relationship, chances to get wed or have a family. So we deal with all the same things as to losing someone we love, because hey... that's what technically happens when you get cheated on.

So once you decide to end things, whether calmly or storm out... or both, you need to deal with all the stages of your loss.

But hey an important part of making that life-changing decision is understanding why the person cheated – and what their infidelity says about their view of the relationship.

Nah, fuck that, that person cheated, why the hell do I have to think about it?

It's for SELF-GROWTH, bitch.

So, YES you have to fucking know.

Based on research and sex experts, there are two distinct types of cheating, and knowing the difference is crucial.

No, this is not one way to justify cheating, IT'S TO UNDERSTAND IT.

So, one sex and relationship therapist, said that affairs can be separated into two categories:

A way to end a relationship

and a way to fill the holes in a relationship, (no, holes, like gaps, voids... such a dirty mind, I see).

She basically, she describes the first category as a ‘can-opener’ affair.

So that’s when you want to leave a relationship and don’t know how to do it, so you cheat, knowing it’ll break you apart.

This is intentional, yet the consequences are 50-50. So, they usually wade in the water than jumping into it completely.

Someone who is having a can-opener affair might not be aware of the exact reasons they’re doing it, some do so they’re acting upon it, but really, they’re just looking for a way to end their main relationship.

The overlap seems easier to them than confronting the reality of what’s gone wrong. Which is sad, really.

She said that women are more likely than men to have can-opener affairs. This isn't something misogynistic or the like. But based on multiple contacts with patients over time in her love and sex therapy clinic.

Men, meanwhile, are more likely to have affairs of the second type, as ‘a way of filling that one part of their life that their current relationship doesn’t’.

My girlfriend doesn't like anal.

My wife just likes vanilla sex.

He doesn't like public sex.

It irks him when we talk about sex.

An affair with someone who shares a fetish your partner isn’t into, or having an emotional connection with a different person because your partner is too stressed to talk things through.

The fact that their partner avoids things could lead up to this, eventually.

The person who has this type of affair doesn’t want to break up their relationship – they’re just trying to have it all.

This backs up previous research, which found that the most common reason people sign up for dating sites while they are in a relationship or posting for hook ups, is because their relationship has ‘lost its spark’, followed by boring or infrequent sex.

Some people said their affairs enhanced their marriage or relationships, as they provided "thrill and excitement" and sex without the need to leave their current relationships. So those people fall firmly into the second category.

Now, question is, which category does your cheating experience fall into?