Some of you might not know this, but from time to time, I'm in dire need of something to suck on-like a dick, for example.

This is the first time l'm taking an aggressive approach, as I don't want to waste too much time talking to someone who has no chance with me.

So, how about we check if you have a chance? Tell me your:

1. Age
2. Location (city)
3. Relationship status
4. Your last deed (when and whether it was intercourse or oral).

A little about yourself might help too—just don’t oversell yourself. I’m not fond of reading a long-winded biography.

If you’ve managed to read this in its entirety, please send me a message only between 7 PM and 10 PM (GMT 8). This post will remain available until December 20th. If you fail to follow this, I will ignore your message immediately.

Your tool might be suckable, but I’m not engaging with someone who cannot follow my simple rules. x