I recently got out of a loveless 15 year marriage. I blew up my engine in my pride and joy Ute after coming home from her telling me it’s over. I’ve been made redundant from my full time job 2 years after my last redundancy. She wants to take my boys interstate.

This isn’t the first time I have been rock bottom, but Fuck it’s hard. I’m scared to date again, not that I want a relationship, but I also have never had the attention of women anyways. I know I’m not a catch, I’ve let my body go and my confidence is shot, but I’ve always related better with girls than guys - so my real guy friends are limited to my sporting interests.

I drink to numb the pain and I don’t eat, I just fucking caffeinate like I’m taking an enema 😂 I smoke herb when I can but I’m a Professor so I know I shouldn’t as a leader or young minds. I love my menagerie of animals but I know I have too many.

She walked all over me the past 18 months cos I thought I was doing the right thing in letting her be “free” - I never want to be that partner that u see on those DV adds. I know I’m not the best catch, but when you haven’t had your cock touched in 9 years or a BJ in 20… it starts to kill that confidence, and I know I have the ego of a man taller than 5’3 😂 you’ve seen my Ute, my boat, my motorbike, my sense of self entitlement.

I have to start again at 40 with keeping 3 kids in private school on a single income and maintenance. She has the right to have my buttholes 50/50, but I have to find a new job that allows me to do whatever the fuck I want, let me lecture, let me coach footy and watch their basketball games and pay enough for me to complete my PhD.

I’m a wiser man than when I was when I lost my job to covid and had to work 86 hours weeks fifo in security and in a mental ward. I’m a wiser man than when I worked in Geelong with a girl that hated me and my car got written off. I’m a wiser man than when I did engineering in Kalgoorlie and I sold my car for a fifth of its value and had to say goodbye to my limited edition Flying V with a pink snakeskin finish and white honeycomb.

I’m over halfway thru life and I went thru 18 years of university and three degrees by myself, working remote wa myself, and living in a different state myself. I’m an only child and I’m fucking socially retarded so I know only myself. But why is it only now I feel so alone.