I am damaged, that is a fact. I am not broken, nor irreparable. I just need a little bit more than most. patience for one, is something that no one seems to possess.

To those men I mentioned, I hope you feel good about yourself. I hope that the ending was worth it to YOU. I would hope that someday it hits you.... the damage you caused and the pain you ensued would eat at you, but I realize men like you will never understand. How could I expect that from someone who lacks emotion, heart and morals?

To man #1: you started the trainwreck that is me. I trusted you. I loved you more than ANYONE in my life, I put you before me, my kids...for you to do the utmost horrible thing. You went against every word you said to me. You showed me that my trusting you was the wrong thing to do and loving you...was not worth the pain. Thank you for being the beginning of the almost end of who I am at the core.

To man #2: The pain you caused me was partly my own. It was my fault for falling for someone who was too good to be true. Someone who made me feel alive and that every oddity or weird manner/behavior I had was welcomed. I was able to be me with you and it is my fault for giving you so much when you deserved nothing. You don't know what honesty is and I doubt you even know how to be honest. That podcast about you, and yes I will be in it, has opened my eyes to how LUCKY I am to not be dead, or have life even worse than what it is. You fooled me, and in the end made it seem like I was the worst person in the world, when in reality...you were. You are the quintessential "a wolf in sheep's clothing."

To man #3: it is never NEVER okay to lead a woman on all the while still talking to your ex-wife of 8 years as if you wanted to be married again. My fault partly here as well, for giving you chance after chance, knowing full well you would never change. Yet I was so scared of having no one I kept you close. For that I am an idiot. Your Fault for not being a MAN and being honest with me. I liar is always a liar and a cheat is always a cheat. Hell has a place for you.

Because of you 3 I am not as trusting as I was. I refuse to let my emotions guide me like they did. I have welcomed the fact that being alone is the safest for me, yet longing for that one man who can show me that there is something about being with another person. I miss touch. I miss being close. I miss being wanted and feeling secure.