Hello! I bring several song covers as peace offerings.

So. Hi. I know I suddenly dropped off the face of the earth, I mean, this site.

I think... A lot of people know I got sucked into the NSFW/VA side of twitter, and I enjoyed every moment interacting with everyone there... Until I didn't.

See...I'm not really that emotionally or mentally stable-- I've been staving off a breakdown by overworking myself, and the moment I got assigned to work in an area where I had some free time... I. Uh. Things just caught up to me and I ended up crying and sleeping and crying and just... wondering why I was still doing the things I'm doing, y'know? Existential crisis, except I've been wondering why (triggering content ahead) in all my years of wishing and wanting to die, I've never really consciously attempted to do so. I never expected to live this long, y'know? I ended up letting myself go. I lost interest in everything, really, except interacting with people on twitter. Yes. Even my work. In hindsight, I'm horrified it happened. I felt so burnt out.

Yeah. It got really bad, but I've been trying to work on myself. Not without several emotionally-charged breakdowns, and the development of an intense attachment to the people I met online that eventually ate at me from the inside and left me terrified and disgusted at the thought of my loneliness, my intensely desperate craving for love and romance and intimacy, and my own deeply rooted self-disgust and self-loathing for seeing people come together and wanting the same things, because my brain do be stupid sometimes and thinks I'm not worthy of love, and the sad thing is that I can believe it. It doesn't really help that I'm an anxious-avoidant person, which means I will go all in with any relationship, be it friendly or otherwise, and then I overthink things and think I'm a bother, so I lash out and drive people away pre-emptively. It sucks. I'm working on that too, and it's slow going, and I hate that when I end up burning myself and everything to the ground in an effort to protect everyone else from me, people get caught in the razing human intimacy. So. Uh. Obviously, it got worse.

I'm taking time off from everything and working things out for myself, because most days, I'm too exhausted to think about anything other than sleep.

Anyway! I'm hoping I can come back brimming with enthusiasm, with a more settled, peaceful mind.

I'm really sorry for disappearing on you all, and I hope you understand why I need more time.

and if people are curious about what I was up to last July, all I'm going to say is that I don't think I'll ever post all that content on GWA.

Take care of yourselves, my dears. I'll miss you.

-Summer