Hi, I just wanted to thank everyone who has followed me for following me . I know I post a lot of depressing shit and not the best person to be around at times. I'm deleting my reddit app and logging out of my account for a few months. I'm still struggling with my ex friend Eve hating me and not wanting to talk to me ever again , because what I did in the past as well as her sister. Also , my boyfriend and I broke up we are still friends but he doesn't want to be with a trans guy anymore which I respect, but is also kind of hard . I also am a pretty conservative person politically * Libertarian * and I really can't watch videos that I used to like Ben Shaprio without getting emotional and even to the point of self harm ideation from comments on YouTube or Reddit not even directed to me . I accepted the fact fully I'm a biological female and can't change anything unless I transition and even then I'm still biologically female, , but I know that doesn't make me any less of a man. It's all just physical besides chromosomes which are biological and I can't change. But it's hard because my boyfriend left me for another guy and we have been together for 4 years so it just is breaking me apart. Also since I lost my job due to the Eve incident a month ago and had to be hospitalized for a month I haven't been able to afford hormones which have just been making my gender dysphoria * which I consider to be a mental health issue* worse without hormones or my SSRI's my life has been a struggle . Also, besides the bills that are over 1k almost 2k , I have to afford therapy, medication, and keeping my shitty car on track and it's so expensive, also somehow coping with my grandpa death soon as well as undiagnosed mental health issues I can't seek treatment for because of money . Atleast without my boyfriend I dont have to waste money going out to eat , also since I cut most contact with any " friends". But with how everything is getting more divisive politically now more than even , especially with social media , even to the point I can't even make real friends because I'm a conservative even though I'm a black trans man , but whatever . I really don't want or need friends and with my shroom trip today I realized how draining people are and you should really focus on you more than someone on social media you can't even see. I have enough stress even with family drama that I won't fully go into but I really just want to do drugs responsibility, take care of my physical/mental health , save up enough money to atleast live in a better car or RV than what I currently have . But I mean I'm excited to leave social media . I really love YouTube but I can't stand politics even though I love debating people on my personal views but it is extremely draining with how sheep-like humans are and we are definitely in a new era of hive-mind mentality based on social media . It's just scary , especially with how little people know of history, real history and not just things you hear online or briefly read once in a book. No one ever does research or thinks in any sort of logical way . And I have a super low IQ but it's just scary the route we are heading as a society and I feel like leaving social media and maybe even not having any technology for awhile is the way to go. I just dont know how ? But I would love to never use social media again. And with my boyfriend and ex "friends" I just hope they have happy lives . But bye. I know many people probably don't care . I am mainly making this for myself as a personal record .