It should not come to a surprise to anyone that I am a fan of James Fell's writing. (To the uninitiated, he's the sweary historian and as someone who swears like a longshoreman themselves AND I'm a historian myself, I feel like I'm kindred spirits with him.)

He posted something today that I'll excerpt here that made me smile. But also, if you get to be so lucky that your balls are bashing against my chin, I will not be unhappy if they smell like fake coconut. Especially if you look like James Fell and I can say "fuck yeah your balls smell awesome". Or you say "fuck yeah, my balls smell awesome."

Even better if there's some nerdy conversation about history before your awesome smelling balls get near my face.

"Anyway, I got some new cyclist crotch cream from the bike store and slathered it on before today’s ride and it smells like coconut and I’m like fuck yeah my balls smell awesome." - James Fell

EDIT: Please message if you're local to me, fit my admittedly slim and shallow requirements, and will fuck me with coconut scented balls.