I'm not exactly who I'm writing this to, I guess people that follow me? I'm always curious who you people are and why you've followed me, so feel free to send me a message if I wouldn't know. If you want to.

Anyway, I have some thoughts about smokin this stuff after graduating from being a newb. I am not a regular smoker, but I... don't know how important plausible deniability is. ;) I'm sure I'm about to ruin that anyway. For a long long time I couldn't understand how someone could smoke every day, I needed at least a day to get back to feeling 100%. It took a while, but that perspective inevitably changed.

Short disclaimer, my experiences are limited, and I wasn't even exposed to it until my early 30's maybe? So I'm sure I'm making some broad generalizations in my head that may or may not be true, but this is what I'm seeing.

From what I understand, there are people that find it very-to-extremely sexually arousing, and people that don't. I of course fell into the former, and it was intense in a way that I hadn't experienced before. It's never as good as the first time, right, so I knew that it would wane a bit. Just recently I've seen a glimpse of what it looks like to not be about the sexual high, and it just being about the high-high. I don't want it to ever get that way, that seems like that's where the danger is of it getting really baad in a life-changing way. If you are managing just fine, I am not judging, that's looking at it about me. What does that mean exactly? A few things are pretty clear to me, a few I'm figuring out.

I don't know if I would say I have a goal here, but I think I was a bit naive when I found this community, or however you want to describe it, on Reddit. I was very excited to think that there are more people out there with similar experiences that would want to talk, smoke, meet up, whatever. There are a lot of people, including myself, that would say 'no shit, look at the topic we're dealing with.' My experience has been exactly what I should have expected - a handful of people that seem pretty cool, some pretty confusing shit, a whole lot of dicks, and a ton of webcam/content girls and scammers.

I'm starting to wonder if there are people that don't eventually become an every day smoker. I think you're out there, but you're quiet, so it's hard to tell. I don't know if I'm being unrealistic to think that I can keep it as an occasional special event, but I've never had issues slowing and stopping any other drug in the past. I am taking a risk that this one isn't different. Part of the reason I'm writing this right now is so that I have a kind of record/reminder of my thoughts today and some accountability to myself.

Speaking of talking to myself, this is long as shit, why are you still reading this? I smoked a bit of pot which helps get the thoughts out. Anyway......

If you would like to respond privately, you are welcome to send me a message. If it's impolite or something, it'll probably just be ignored.

*Edit* Everything past this is a P.S.

I of course approached everything incorrectly and led with my horniness. Of course that was the motivation, but it sort of overshadows the fact that I'd like to have some sort of connection with someone that I spend time with, even if it is kinda all about sex. I could mellow out a little on the eagerness, although I don't think I'm being too thirsty as the kids say.

I did meet one person from here. I didn't have any expectations per se, but ya know, you know how dudes think. Turns out that was never on the table, which really should have been pretty obvious at the time. You're probably going to read this - it's all good, I respect the hustle. Hit me up if you ever want to chill. haha