I've always lived in a very open state. I have never once been concerned or scared to be open about who or what I am. I have never been concerned that I needed to hide who or what I am.

This past weekend, all that changed. My girlfriend moved to a state that has no discrimination laws to protect her if her landlord finds out that she is not straight and does, in have, have a girlfriend. We previously discussed this, and discussed the fact that we would be closeted around the general area just to ensure that was a non issue.

What I was not prepared for, was the fact that I felt like we had to be closeted everywhere we went. I was afraid to try to hold her hand in public. For the first time in my life I was afraid to hold my girlfriends hand. I didn't feel like we would get rolled, but I felt that it could very possibly make her life a living hell. I don't live there so I'd be putting all of it on her to deal with alone, with the exception of when I'm visiting.

I felt I couldn't show any physical attention to her. I would, on occasion, touch her in what could be seen as a platonic way. But other than that I just... Couldn't. Not until we were safely back in her place.

I have never felt like this before. And it sucks. I have a whole new appreciation for people who have had to go through this their whole lives.

There should be no reason why I can't hold my girlfriends hand, much less kiss her. There should be no reason why, in 2019, we have to decide between being closeted or ensuring we don't risk her place to live. But we do. And it sucks. And I'm so so sorry to anyone who has had to live in this kind of situation for a long period of time. I commend you. I have had 72 hours of experience and it... Frightened is too strong of a word. But I didn't like the feeling. And it's a feeling no one should ever have to experience.