I should not bother, because:

• Think back on any time he'd ever decided to come back. Was it 1) when he was horny? 2) when he ignored anything you said you wanted changed? 3) when he actually changed or did anything that you desired differently? Or, did he just come back and continue to beg for you back, to keep you as a placeholder, since he's too lazy and/or afraid to be bitchless while waiting for whatever ideal woman finally comes his way? Not to say I'm much different, but lord, can it at least be FUN if we'd use eachother, and not fun-before=mutually-extremely-depressing?
• I'm 90% to 98% sure our offspring would have extremely horrendous mental disorders. Just picture it. A cute kid with schizophrenic/psychosis ass tendencies, autism, bipolar disorder AND a high libido? Not to mention what having a degradee quiet dad and a big mouth mother with impulsive and dangerous tendencies would do. Oh wowzers, that'd be kinda like what I grew up with- OH GOD, NOT FREUD BEING RIGHT?
• You don't actually want him. You just want him to want you, or to be able to work on someone who's not you, since it's easier to pick up the pieces and put together someone else's life than to do the tedious work of all that on your own. You wanna feel like you've achieved something, and that needlessly crying over worrying over someone who's completely content with their shitty life will oen day pay off, and look! You can show off to your friends that no, he's not some emotionless fuck who would step over your dead body if he saw you suffocating just to do nothing, that NOW he's some sort of changed man! Someone cute and empathetic and lovely to show off, instead of getting constant disappointed reactions from your friends whenever they hear you two talked, no matter how well it went!
• I can never meet his family. Ever. Hell, I recall how well the last family of potential in-laws was like for me... If I can be viciously disliked by my actual ex boyfriend's family despite all the baking, photo printing, gaming, story telling, bonding moments, and on and on and on and on and on, and the worst thing I ever did was call two of them a cunt to their face a year ago, but they absolutely fucking were and I'd do it again if I could, get into a mild heated talk a year ago with one and privately talked shit about the massive bitch that my ex's whore of a mother was, (i stand ten toes on it, 100% shes a twat,) then I can't imagine the nightmare that this new family would be. Then again, once I told a different ex something so vile that I don't even feel comfortable writing it a decade later, paired with some family drama... and well, his family still welcomed me in immediately, as if nothing happened. (Excluding his mother, but tbf that could've been a lot of reasons that I don't know, nor care about, for why she didn't like me. If one out of five members like me, then that's a them problem, not a ME problem! Lol.) So, some families are the 'fuck her keep her out' type, some are the "Bury the hatchet! She's nice enough and times change let's have her over for dinner and for this trip this summer!"
• Cheated on every, single, partner ever had. EVERY. Single. Partner. Do you want to be 40 and explaining to your future daughter why daddy went missing, and have to explain that he's buried in a tarp six feet under somewhere with his affair partners since you couldn't just be a self-respecting 22 year old and find someone else OR just be single for awhile? Do I want to date the type of guy I'd need to count the condoms of to make sure he's not cheating, just to worry that not only is he cheating, but RAW? Do you want to be like the type of women you've cringed at? No. Fuck someone else.
• I'm not religious, not that much? I like to think about the universe and a higher power, but I don't think a Catholic guy meshes well with a girl who does Hoodoo and speaks to candles, you know? How long would that realistically go? But considering I dated an Atheist for a year, and my ex still gets me lovely things like candles, crystals, and jars, well.... oof, hell, now I wanna kiss my ex again. Fuck.
• Nigga knew you wanted a date. Name one date. Quickly. See? See? Oh, or is there supposed to just be 'this weirdo comes back every once and awhile to lay on the unprovoked charms and rizz hella hard in the hopes he can keep you around' to be the foundation? Not even the foundation for a relationship that's romantic or platonic, just a man too old for a situationship, really.
• What the fuck kind of bond is it when both people feel like shit after banging, instead of better? Like nah, I like that post sex blurry bliss where I can hardly see straight, feel warm and fuzzy all over, and am LIT. I don't want any more tears, injuries, or weird shit.
• When have paragraphs worked? One time out of twenty million times? Wow. Ha.
• He likes petite chicks, long hair and niceness. I am not that, and do not need to fuck myself up even further on some Cassie and Nate shit where I aim for some ideal woman shit, just to still not be seen as enough, or lose myself even more. Already had that with my ex, and that's why I left! Since being a Stepford Wife got me nothing but a lack of dates and lazy behavior, which I hate in men. I'd rather just be single and a hot mess with pinecone hair and a body that I don't need to monitor for someone else's pleasure, solely my own. Male validation is... never all that.
• He's also 27, and I think his friends would go "Ah, dating a 22 year old? How impressive", in the most sarcastic way possible. It would just look bad all around I believe.
• I want a romantic partner that I don't have to ask for the bare minimum from, who doesn't only *sort of* do what I want out of a man when I leave... Someone I don't get depressed over or obsess over. Nice shit! Simple stuff, like food at the beach, or going out for a flick or a show, corny cute cheesy shit. I like that stuff and deserve it, and probably won't be getting it out of the guy who only *just* learned to not cheat on people he loves, and that yes, words coming out of your mouth is a good way for others to know whats in your head.

Anyway, we couldn't even work as anything, I think. Since when I was finally in the perfect headspace of "Let's just use eachother for sex and be nothing else, I'm emotionally stable enough to handle it just being sex and nothing else"? The exact moment they'd start deciding to beg to be friends, genuinely, or to date, RELENTLESSLY. Or when I was open to that, a genuine friendship, some whirlwind romance, temporary or not? Then that's the exact, EXACT, moment they'd go from planning nice sounding adventures or hangout moments, to "actually nevermind can we fuck in my car in 15?", and being surprised that I didn't want to trade a night of gaming and talking followed by a warm fuck, for.... a cold cramped back of a car?

That's like that chick I knew who was salty that trying to LAST MINUTE, AS IN I ACTUALLY ARRIVED AT THE AREA WHEN SHE DID THIS, cancel our plans to get a pedicure and dinner together, to instead ask me to be a third wheel to her and her racist crush, just resulted in me blocking her. Oh sure, love, fuck pampering, let me run up and down stairs like a slave for you and your mid looking fuckbuddy in winter! (Sarcasm, obviously.)

I could see my ex boyfriend today, but I don't know how well that would go over. He's lovely, but I don't think that I want a second time of laying next to my ex-love, thinking about someone I shouldn't have talked to at all, and being distressed.

But he does want to help me clean my room, talk, and maybe take me out to eat. And what else would I do today? Wait around for another weirdly manipulative text from the toxic old dude with the Bieber hair?

He doesn't know what I want, but I do! Even my close friend who watches me be all moody and edgy on my social media was like "Girl, honestly I think you have your life together more than he does, really!" And she's seen me sob my eyes out like hell over dropping and breaking some sand toy I bought off Temu mere seconds after I unpackage it. (That was so fucking hilarious though lmfaooooooooooooooooooo.) And instead of waiting around to see if I'm more mentally stable or not, (I probably am, shockingly,) I should just.... do other things.

I'll make a list of things to do pretty soon, but I'm getting a hand cramp, so I'll write that later.

For now, I like that dude's face, sure, but there's no shortage of men with nice faces! Or who can fuck, similarly or not. It's gonna be alright.

Not good to search for things to do that are bad for me, to distract me from a man.

Better to just find new dick, or a lovely partner, or to just be insane on my own accord with no external infleunces. Thats lovely as fuck to me! Anyways, peace out yalls, bye. :D