They can't. If they did change like I thought they did, I'd never be in that situation at all.

I thought a year or so ago, they really did change! I was optimistic from the nice vibes.

A shame, getting to see the nicer side of people means you can't just shut it off easily. And any time I tried, lo and behold, they came back. Always some new shit, always an unexplained vanishing act paired with some random flirting, offers of something, or god knows what.

And they romanticized the shit out of worsening eachother's mental health, or getting me 'obsessed' with them. They've got really bad issues, man. So do I, but at least I try to keep the lid on for the most part. They? Make it seem like it's something to be proud of.

Even looking back at old texts makes ne notice that some things never changed; dude, even when we were just sex, still asked if I meant something to him. Who the hell ASKS a casual fuckbuddy that?

Plus the irony of saying I ruined anything. When I specifically made a contract to safely continue our bond, and it wasn't even a two hour gap between them signing the contract, claiming I was just some fucktoy to use only for sex and nothing else; no conversations outside of sex, no talks, and that if anything came up, they'd talk to me about it.

But nope, not even two hours in and they switched up. Suddenly, dude is spiraling HARD and asking the wildest shit, and just... I wish he saw me as a friend back then. Or could at least be honest with me, if he didn't have much to lose by being honest. Who am I to impress? I already decided that I liked what I saw to the perfect extent of "He's kinda lame and untrustworthy as hell, but I still am chill with his vibe", and idk. I hated that he hurt himself, and that he still, a year later, couldn't change about just being honest. That shit sucks.

Brody went from 'i have zero care for you past sex and you'll never expect anything else from me' to 'im straight up self harming because i think you hate me and im ugly and useless and unloved' and like? BRO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING???????? LIKE for fucks sake, if i say the words 'i think youve still got good things to do on this planet, so i cant kill you, no' and 'dudes who arent attractive dont have girls like me going crazy over them, you're attractive', and just... god the self sabotage was real.

That's why I always asked if they were SURE they were fine hooking up with me. They'd always say yes, then suddenly chirp afterwards about a million really not great things theyd do behind the scenes days later. Always making the worse choice when the easy solution was there... fuck whoever or whatever made him that way. I communicate as often as possible, because I know how I get. We just simply were never destined to be healthy, as if either of us didn't already know that.

But we got close to it! And it's like the equivalent of watching someone who can't cook, almost bake a perfect cake, before they choose to cook it for another 5 hours and watching it burn to shit, when the easily solution was 'take it the fuck out and frost it man it takes 3 seconds.'

I still hope they're alright, even though I also simultaneously want them to like, feel bad for what they did and learn to absolutely not repeat the same thing he does to ruin everything, that he's done for, like, a year now for absolutely no reason. They'll never change at this rate if they don't initiate it themselves, or get people who actually give a fuck about them in their life asap.

They seriously need help.