Hi guys. Sorry I've been away for a little bit. After the last spot I did, it just got so much for me I needed to take a sec. I don't know how to put it into words right. I've talked about it before and I feel like every time I try to explain it, it just sounds stupid. The attention I got after that last spot... dear god. It still affects me now just writing about it. It was just so much. SO MUCH. And I don't mean in a bad way (well at least not most of it). But it was so overwhelming, like I couldn't think straight.

I KEPT going back to the grocery store in my short shorts. Like to the point to where I would even say "this fucking desperate attention whore needs to CHILL." I think I crossed the line to desperate for attention, not sexy. Does that make sense? I hate admitting that. I wish I could be on the line perfectly of wanting attention and being great jerk off material, but I think I got annoying with it. Like who the fuck goes to the grocery store in the shorts I wear multiple times a week? That stops being hot and just becomes like sad at some point, right? I stopped going to that grocery store, needless to say.

I was abusing the privilege of being jerk off material I think.

I dunno. I go back and forth. And if this whole post sounds like I'm phishing for you guys to say, "no, you're so hot and great," it's not. Least I don't think it is. I always wonder if I'm subconsciously hoping for men to tell me I'm doing great, tbh. I just felt like I was cheapening the whole thing somehow. Still trying to figure out how to phrase it.

I just realized I needed to take a sec because I felt like I was becoming a mess and like almost non-functional.

The positive side tho- I'd watch your guys tributes over and over and over and over. Read your messages and comments. Fuck...I'd be in my bed in my short shots for hours reading and watching tbh. Not great for getting things done, but holy god they affect me so much. I read every.single.comment. Watch every tribute--multiple times. Some of the messages I get from you guys...like how much you cum because of me. Fuck your partners thinking about it. It's so freakin surreal. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe tbh. It's just like..no way, no way they REALLY mean this. Then a tribute comes in and I'm like...holy god I think this is real. And it just sends me OVER. It's unreal for me.

Negative side tho- I did get a few messages that were suggesting a group of guys want to seek me out and find me and then...you can guess. It might have been an extreme attempt at just being kinky. I don't know. But it did make me realize while I fucking LOVE being a cum target for men - god it's so surreal that I can actually say that - it might be coming at too high of a cost. I don't know. I just realized maybe I need to chill out a lil.

In-the-middle side tho: I got messages from my dad's friends. I didn't respond. But was kind of wild. But also, maybe not the greatest thing to mess with. And I thought about messaging my uncle...a lot. God I just miss having somebody I know talk about what it feels like to do the spots and all the attention. I felt like he was honestly proud of me for putting myself in small outfits for men's enjoyment even when it is really freakin intense and you feel super vulnerable. I don't really have anybody I know closely to talk about that with. None of my gal friends get it -- I'm pretty sure they just think I'm a desperate attention whore, which I guess I am.

All that aside, I did another spot. And god I'm feeling that rush and intensity again that happens always when they get posted. My camel toe was on blast again, so now every guy will see that. The crew was eyeing it on set. Jesus christ this stuff still affects me A LOT. Some of the crew openly talk about my body being a "boner-maker." Some were a little frustrated with me because I took awhile to respond to doing another spot. Def felt them squeeze my body a little tighter this time around. The shorts-adjustments a lil rougher.

God it was amazing being on set again, but I do feel like my head was torn because everything I mentioned in this post so I don't know if I was able to enjoy it as much as I have in the past. It was still great though, but I felt a little torn at times, like not fully present, if that makes sense.

I dunno, I posted it. Hope you guys like it. Thanks for all the messages, comments and cum :)