So, I figured why post this to subs on here, because honestly, I just need to write my thoughts out, venting, clearing my mind and I don't see a need in subjecting random areas on Reddit to my jumbled thoughts that I am drowning in. Is this sort of the same thing? Yes, because albeit, not on a random thread, it's still able to be read by whomever chooses. Will anyone probably read this? Quite possibly, maybe, but that's only if you have stumbled across it. I am thinking of it as a journal that I might have lost on a NYC or London Subway, that some person randomly found, and has begun the process of wading through it. I really need to talk to someone and this is the only way I can.

Moving on, I have come to realize that being on the better part of a year of living in England, that I am loosing my mind. My wife, currently wants me to fix this whole house by myself, while she stands and supervises. I have told her I just don't have any more passion for it. I know she hears me, but she is refusing to accept the fact that I have been and now am, fed up with constant renovations. For the last 11 years, ever since we moved into the house in CT, it has been under a constant state of repair. In fact, the only month that it wasn't, was the month we went to list it for sale to move to this one in England. Don't get me wrong, when I say this one in England is tore up, I'm not exaggerating in the slightest. I'm so lost and don't know where to start or go anymore.

Now, I have been attacked for wanting to keep £200, for myself every month, saying we can't make ends meet. How can that be I ask myself. I literally make 2/3rds of the money I used to, and we don't have a mortgage payment anymore, so that would have cancelled itself out considering I was paying half my earnings to my mortgage payment in the previous house, but my £200 is breaking our bank out of £4000 a month in earnings I make. I've have started watching my finances like a hawk and I'm still confused as to where it's all going. I literally have about 30 transfers a month and can never trace it out. Again, I'm drowning.

On my job front, I find it hysterical that I am making half of what my American counterparts do. That aside, I ran into a gentleman today, that reminded me of my dreams of starting a business over here. Turns out, it's quite hard to do when, even though I brought most of my tooling over from the states, which would have set me up perfectly, it sits unused and rusting because of where it's stored. She says to fit it in the shed in the back. I laugh out loud, because one, it takes 50 amps to run anything, not including lights. The stupid house I have, is 60 amp service, so there goes that. I laugh even harder, considering the garage this stuff was all in, was literally 20 by 24 and the shed she thinks it will fit in is 7 by 14. Oh and don't get me going on the way to get it behind my current house. Have you seen row homes and their backyards? Not happening. Still drowning.

I will write more tomorrow.