I often cruise the r/deadbedoom Reddit and often want to comment on so many posts. I refrain from that because no one wants to hear me complain. I will vent my thoughts here as to prevent me from losing my mind.

I am in a dead bedroom. I will admit, it is mostly my own fault.

With that said, I have my reasons and those are below:

Physical...

I see people comment a lot on the fact that their partner doesn't initiate. Well, mine kinda does. If you call coming over and initiating as a kiss on the lips, then yes she does that. I really don't and yes I've told her. There is only one time I would be able to call anything close to an initiation as that, she called my name when I got out of the shower, and she was standing in lingerie at the bed, just fucking hot as hell. I won't brag, but I went for three hours that night and left her a mess. I yearn for that so much and honestly it was the best sex I've ever had. Instead, I usually get that kiss and sometimes I'll go hard and sometimes not, in which case, she tells me to wait, and then goes to the bathroom, and removes her panties. She comes back and after the length of time she has been gone, I might go soft again. This lingerie thing all happened because I said I wanted a divorce.

The smell. She showers maybe once a week or two. I shower every day, almost. I have recently been slacking there, but that's mainly depression I think. I have been slipping a day here and there, but that only is again because I'm getting depressed. With that said, she complains that I don't want to go down on her. I really don't want to be the ass and tell her, you don't smell too nice. It's not only that, but going to the toilet after her is rather depressing. There is always pee and these black flecks on the seat. I know I sometimes sprinkle on the run when I stand and pee, but I do wipe it down. How can she be that oblivious. On the flip side of that, I think I've gotten maybe 20 blowjob's in 10 years.

Allergic to dick. Why won't she touch it? The last time we had sex, was the first and only time she actually grabbed it to put it in. Yes, she had touched it in the past during blowjobs, but she pretty much avoids it. I'm sure that's not normal.

Fuck me, but don't fuck me. Why don't I fuck her? She has asked me to, but when I do, I'm not doing missionary or being touchy feely enough and she gets pissed. I literally got told once that she wants bent over the kitchen table and/or counter and taken. I did that once. God was I wrong. She got so angry at me. In that same discussion, she told me she wanted used, so I did, and then afterwards, fuck, flip the script and said I didn't want that. Then why let me and tell me to. I know this sounds rape like, but it was mutual, she said she enjoyed it while we were doing it, but then later, like I said, she flipped out and said why did we have to.

Creampies. Ok, this is going to sound gross, but it's me. I came a bit to fast one time, and I'll admit, I was enjoying myself. I knew she hasn't come yet, so I...I would like to think I spun her around and are her out, but that's not what happened. Well, kinda. I did go down on her and ate her out. She came and applauded me, saying she's never done that before. Well, hold on, because very soon after that, the next morning, I got told, she didn't like it. I don't get it. I came, she came, we collapsed exhausted and cuddled. Nope. Never again.

Views of my cock entering her. I really like seeing this. Unfortunately for me, that is not an often occurrence. For me, it almost always has to be done with the lights off and the sheets up. I have told her countless times, I enjoy seeing my cock entering her, watching myself disappear into her, watching her pussy swallow my cock. I absolutely enjoy the sight of this. The glistening wetness as I stroke out and go back in. The sight of her body laying there. Nope, not for her.

Positions. If it's not missionary it's not her thing. Doggy, too demeaning and impassionate. On her side, I'm too big and too far up inside. Nothing else ever works.

Blowjobs. I have honestly gotten maybe 20 in 10 years like I said above. It's always toothy and never deep. I realize some women can't overcome the gag reflex, but there are things you can do. I eventually stopped asking for them, because if I didn't just lay there, I got slapped or yelled at. I'd try to hold her hair, but she was afraid I was gonna force her down on me. I do like them, but it just became too much trouble.

Noises and direction. For the love of God, I want to hear something. Do you know how nice it is to hear, I want your cock or fuck me or go deeper? Well, if you do, please tell me, because I sure as hell don't. She always tells me, she can't do that, because she's not that type of girl.

On top. She hardly ever does this, because she physically can't. I've watched her run around Disney Land like a little girl, but heaven forbid she tries to make some physical effort in the bedroom. She would rather lay there on her back and not much else. How exciting.

Letting herself go. She is still blaming the pain meds she took 8 years ago for her weight gain. She was a curvier woman when I met her, but it's gotten a bit worse. She has pierced she can lose and maintain lost weight, but she goes right back to eating unhealthy. I never bring it up, to say you should lose weight, but it would be nice to be able to pick her up.

Psychological...

No respect. I have felt this almost the whole relationship. It is really hard to enjoy sexy time with someone when there is no respect.

My ex was better. Every time I didn't want to in the beginning, because I may have been too tired from work, she would compare me to her ex husband. She would tell me how he wanted it every day and that me being younger should want it even more. I'm sorry, but I work a real job, bit one where I dropped out of high school for and was about the only thing I could get. Sometimes, I had to work all night, so I may have been sleepy and not an asexual person. I've even been told she's had many a better guys in bed, knowing that I was really kinda a virgin in my way. Why do they bring this up?

You're small. How can someone be too small and too big at the same time. We apparently don't do a lot of positions because I'm too big, but every time I do something not too her liking anywhere, she will attack with you have a small dick. I can assure you, I don't think I'm small. Am I thick, no. Do I see a lot of penises that are tinier, yes. Don't ask, it just happens from time to time in changing rooms.

Stop improving. She attacks my intelligence alot. I can assure you, I don't think I'm the smartest person alive, but I can also say, I'm fat from the dumbest as well. I'd easily say about a little above halfway up the intelligence scale of there is a thing. I never called her dumb, even though she says I do.

In Closing...

Now, I have discussed all this with her and much more, but it always goes back to the way it was. So, after a while, you just give up. I am in the camp of, I would rather have no sex than terrible scripted sex. I honestly think this is what led me to stray emotionally. I know it's wrong, but what do you do when divorce isn't an option and open marriage isn't an option. You sneak around and become a piece of shit. So, I just relegate to masturbating to satiate my desires. Yes, I watch porn, but mostly it is the amateur type where it's not professionals, because I feel that is really not accurate.