You know, the only reason I think I stay here in this situation and the only reason I got here in the first place is because I am scared to move on or be alone. I don't think I was scared at first, but it was bred over time and it has now consumed me. How did I get here in the first place? Well, I think I fell for the first woman that has ever showed me any sort of attention to begin with. I think I was completely taken by the fact that I was finally shown some kind of attention. Did I forgive her for so many lies, yes, but I think that was because again, I was afraid to loose what I just got in the first place. Every lie she told me in the beginning, I forgave her for. Why? Again, I did because I was fearful for being alone in a very lonely time in my life.

I realize I am not really a catch in any sense of the word. I am not really good looking. I am rather intelligent and my most redeeming fact is that I am able to analyze and fix almost anything. I say almost, but honestly, that list of things to fix, is rather short and to be perfectly honest, doesn't really apply to real life. Can I take apart an engine and put it back together again perfectly. Yes. How does that apply to any sort of relationship? To be perfectly clear, it doesn't help anyone at all. Well, it does help people who need that skill, but when it comes to team work for a couple, no it doesn't apply. What woman wants a guy that can fix this or that? I can tell you, not a single woman. They want to feel wanted and needed. They want to have a guy that looks good to them. They all seem to want the same kind of guy. Now, maybe I have been looking in the wrong places, but to be honest, I have yet to meet that woman that will give me the time of day, unless they need something repaired and thought through.

I look around and see all these happy couples living and being with each other and I think, why can't I have that? I think why can't I be that happy. I think why can't I feel an undying attraction for the one I love. I think why can't I look at the one I love and think God she is so intelligent. I am so luck y and happy to have her in my life.

I know this is sounding like I am a SIMP in so many aspects of the word, but to be perfectly clear, women do not owe me anything in any shape or form. Will I still assist any woman on the side of the road, in the pouring rain, who has a flat tire and the tow truck is 3 hours out when they are on the Gold Star Bridge? Yes, because that is a human thing to do. Will I still stand in the freezing cold, in Walmart's parking lot and fix a woman's flat tire? Yes. Do I expect any woman to give me the time afterward? Nope. To be honest. The tip in the Walmart parking lot was nice and yes I handed it back, but again, I was raised to help people. Thank you for the hug Ma'am. That was more than enough payment. I know you will never see this, but please make sure you have a jack and make sure the tire isn't flat next time that was in your trunk. If you didn't ask me when I was walking to my truck, and I was someone else, you might have not had a jack and an air compressor to fix those issues.

All that said, I ended up with a woman who I have no respect for. I failed in checking myself. I ended up with someone that feels that I am her servant. I am only here to save her from her stupid ideas. Can she figure out how to use Bluetooth? No. It was my fault for her not knowing how to. This stupid house that we currently own, it is my fault for not wanting to do anything in it.

She constantly tells me, how could you survive without me, how are you going to do your washing, how are you going to cook, you owe me to do X,Y, and Z. I think to myself, well, to be honest, I was washing my clothes before I met you. I was cooking for myself before I met you, and somehow, I got to 25 without you. She thinks that she is spending shit loads of time taking care of me, and I know exactly how long it takes to do the things she states she is trying to tell me takes so much time.

When I go back in time at all of the things she had me doing and she was coming back at me with I cook and clean, I think how unbalanced it truly was. I would spend 5 hours framing out a bathroom and you would sit on FB and then turn around and tell me how much you did for me by cooking my dinner, when I was the one sweating my ass off. I would be outside cutting our grass, because you couldn't and again, you would be sat on your ass looking through FB. You would complain about how much work it was to watch the dogs that you babysat, and I would catch you on that stupid camera you wanted installed, sitting there scrolling FB.

Are you fucking kidding me? You have ruined me. I think back and know I would have been happier and better off if I had thrown that fucking NEXTEL phone across the road and in that river and deleted every one of my fucking accounts so you could not have contacted me after that day you lied to me with photos. You literally were showing me of your daughter as you. You told me you were divorced. You told me you were younger than you were. You know what get me the most, you try to tell me that I was the one that shit on you. Fuck off.

I digress, this is me just rambling with no coherent thoughts.

Forgive me, I have drank quite a bit and I might not be completely coherent.