Just wanted to write about stuff I've read and learned on my journey with CPTSD. This will probably get edited 7000 times because I'm quite neurotic. Feel free to leave any comments/death threats and I'll try to respond in kind.

Why am I writing this? What right do I have to offer any advice at all? I'm literally the stupidest person on the planet, so take whatever I write here with a grain of salt, do your own research etc. This is regurgitated information until I get around to adding quotes. These are all things I wish I had known when I was struggling. I just hope something here could be helpful to someone who reads this, If anyone reads this at all.

(Non-Fiction) Books That Have Helped Me

None of these will be too esoteric but they are definitely worth the read.

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

If you were to read one book on CPTSD, I'd say it should be this. Introduces concepts such as "the inner critic", "emotional flashbacks" and the 4 F's Model of trauma classification (fight, flight, freeze or fawn). All these concepts have been super integral in reincorporating pieces of my broken psychology back together, stuff that I couldn't even recognise as completely abnormal patterns of behaviour or ways of thinking. Reading this was a personal revelation.

The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Lots of information about the classification of post traumatic stress disorder and CPTSD. Much more clinical and historical in nature but definitely eye opening. Has anecdotes dating back to the Vietnam war and the evolution of mental health services. Goes into why the American Psychiatric Association (APA) doesn't recognise CPTSD in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), among other things.

Who Dies? : An Investigation of Conscious Living and Conscious Dying by Stephen and Ondrea Levine

Straight from the "bibliotherapy" section of CPTSD: Surviving to Thriving, I was drawn to this because I've seen Stephen Levine on Thinking Allowed (Youtube Video) and he seemed really interesting. This is largely a "buddhist" text, which I must say I personally find is somewhat incompatible with modern, western style living, but like any quirked up white-boy in his 20's, of course I'm gonna pilfer what I can from any spiritual text. Practically its a text about mindfulness, meditation and "radical self acceptance" which are all great things to discover in their own right.

Concepts

"Radical Self Acceptance"

This concept really spoke to me, and not just because I think radical is a cool word. Apparently this concept "originates" from DBT (Dialectical behavior therapy) but is very similar to a buddhist way of thinking. This is absolutely a life-long task of finding self acceptance and like everything else in the world, is not promised. In my opinion this is the most basic way someone can come to terms with reality, just acceptance. This might seem like cope, that you will just stagnate and never try to evolve as a human, but I've found that it has helped me realise there is a lot about your reality that can't be changed, so focusing on what can be changed and working with in your limitations is all we can do. Also coming to terms with yourself as an imperfect being, that you may never be 100%, and that's okay. Time will tell if this is as useful as I think it is though...

Mindfulness

This might just be because I'm stupid, but I never really realised mindfulness is a skill that requires development. I had envisioned this state of pure unthought that you could just consciously phase in and out of. This was one of the reasons I never got far with it. Overriding your thoughts by focusing on touch or your breathing or any number of sensations is incredibley important to my healing journey.

Non-attachment

Self Affirmations
I used to think repeating self affirmations was "deluding" yourself. In some cases it might be, but I think repeating to yourself that you shouldn't feel shame or that you should love yourself can be very powerful. Even if you don't believe there is much good in yourself, focusing on a single thing can be enough to break yourself out of a funk.

Medication

Medication is an incredibly controversial topic and not for no reason. I'd say getting onto pharmaceuticals should definitely be a last resort, if all reasonable options to treat the problem have been exhausted. For some it is crippling and others its a life saver. I fall into the second category, because without them I think I'd have committed sewer slide, but just because of the volatile nature of the side effects I can't in good conscience preach for there use. Please note: this is my personal anecdotes on medication and probably means next to nothing to you or your healing journey

My journey with medication has been relatively smooth. My first prescription for mental health was Mirtazapine (15 mg). This was just a stopgap practically and I don't know if I would have stuck with it. Immediately upon use it made me incredibly tired. I got adjusted to it relatively quickly but it made my joints quite sore. After about 2 weeks of the sore joints, I would take 7mg to help me fall asleep, which was really effective.

The second was Venlafaxine (37.5 mg), which is an SNRI. Immediately off rip it gave me the most insane high blood pressure imaginable. It felt like I was going to die at all times and my blood pressure never dropped to normal levels. I gave up on it after about 7 days, and didn't have any withdrawals or anything thank goodness (the withdrawal symptoms can be very scary).

My third and current medication is Fluoxetine (20mg aka Prozac). Getting on it was fine but slow. I never really had much side effects, thankfully. It has practically killed my social anxiety but I still feel some remnants of agoraphobia and stuff like that.

Exercise (or Movement)

Dance
I think one of the most beneficial "exercises" for me was just dancing to music in my bathroom or bedroom by myself. There is something liberating about just letting loose that goes super hard. Put on some Slayer and jump kick your bathroom mirror, fuck it man.

Yoga
Yoga was also something I'd get lost in. Before I could got deeper into mindfulness meditation, yoga scratched the itch. Focusing on maintaining a position and breathing was very meditative for me.

Journaling

Journaling is probably the most basic, low point of entry therapeutic tools one can employ. Purely conjecture, but I think it might be the activation of other brain areas in the act of physically writing that triggers a different response to emotions and thoughts. It definitely helped relieve some of the rumination that has plagued me for years.

Quotes

May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.
May they be free of suffering and the cause of suffering.
May they never be disassociated from the supreme happiness which is without suffering.
May they remain in the boundless equanimity, free from both attachment to close ones and rejection of others.

- The Four Immeasurables