^{I recently called out the idea that we are all just playing pretend in our roles and it wasn't meant with disrespect; but, no one wants me to leave a novella comment saying as much. I am a playful and whimsical person who is also incredibly serious about that framework of play. Book recommendation: Finite and Infinite Games}

Recently, I heard a creator say that courage and belonging are privileges. Motherfucker, let me say, this hit me sideways; but, of course they are. These are feelings that are hard-earned and often reason for punishment in a normative system.

While I have only been professionally in a dominant role for a couple of miles, I have played on the d-side of the slash for an international flight. As a switchy soul, I have seen the good, bad, and bruises on both sides. The joy I get on either end is often in the freedom and shamelessness of it all.

There is power and satisfaction in creating a microcosm of belonging where we can be rewarded for our courage. Courage to be outside the expectations of norms. For me, the D-side of that often looks like a dominant woman embodied: a high femme with a cutting edge, a maternal disciplinarian, a foul-mouthed butch boss, a super-powered bottom, or a coy and withholding fetish-dispensing top. There is fun in every flavor.
I predominantly work with white amab-men who can pay (intersectionality matters). I recognize that while this population is in a position of systemic power, their individual identities around gender and sexuality are often the most strictly policed. There is a yearning for submission in a daddy, feminization in a himbo, anal slut training for the most khaki bro-dog corporate accountant. This needs to be fostered and cherished! Owning this out loud is the making of a good boy, my favorite simp, a proper puppy, the loveliest of my beautiful princesses. This is why the sense of belonging and appreciation of vulnerability in aftercare is real.

All these (falsely) dichotomous roles are often the first courageous steps into something beautiful and multi-dimensional. So, yes we are all playing pretend because every good domme must be dynamic because there must be a sense of belonging at the end of a courageous journey.

We too often put ourselves in these made-up boxes and restrict our ability to play in the full scope of the game... Because it is easy to do. Because the world likes for us to be one thing. Because identity is supposed to be some rigid thing that only grows one way. Your feelings in whatever role are real and valid, that is how feelings work and I won't deny those; but, the roles we play don't define our beings.

I enjoy being a self-righteous, nasty, and demanding she-devil because it isn't often a role I get to play freely with belonging in a vanilla life. It is easy for me to play a strong and confident person - a coach and leader, teacher and navigator. Domination is easy and fun for me, but it is not who I am.

Hold many truths, my darlings.