In one life, you begin here; with your feet pressed to the ground as you take shaky steps towards people who beam and smile at you. You are clumsy, and small, and entirely unsure about the world before you, but you are happy. And then you grow taller, older, more tired. They still smile at you, but they too are tired and older. Your new puppy stands by your feet. He is small and just as uncertain about the world as you once were. He looks at you for reassurance during the first thunderstorm of his life. Rain scares him and you feel him quivering beside you as the thunder roars. But you are here, no longer a child yourself, and you hold the blanket out and comfort him.

Years pass. New people come into your life, some better than others, and some you could have gone without. Your puppy is no longer a puppy, far from it. White clouds his eyes and his eager steps are slower than before. But he is still by your side just as he’s always been. It’s natural, you tell yourself. All things must grow old, just as you will too. But you feel an awful ache when you realise that not all things age equally.

You finally say goodbye on an autumn evening. You are given one night before his lungs will fill with fluid, and you know it’s too cruel to ask him for just one more day. Goodbye is kind, this is your love. You hold him during that time, and when none of you are even close to being ready, you know that you must. You stand with your parents, all of you are older, and hold his paw as his little heart stops. It’s 9:24 on a Monday night. He is still warm in your arms, with his soft fur and familiar smell. You think you’ve made a terrible mistake and you would like to pause, rewind, and stop this part. But this is not how it goes. You return to a home that doesn’t feel like home. It’s empty and sullen and not quite right. Months will pass and this feeling won’t change. You don’t hurt any less, but your fondness and love never leaves.

Your hands will grow older, slowly, so much slower than his paws ever did. But perhaps that might not be a terrible thing if it means you’ll one day see him again.