Previous journal-entry-like posts that may provide some context to my journey:

What I would like from a femdom/role reversal relationship (original)

I Just Want to Feel Wanted

I Just Want to Feel Wanted II

Am I the Needle in the Haystack?

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So I've been putting more and more thought into this lately. It's been more than two years since I made my first post about this, and some of it does still ring true (and is worth the read to those of you who find yourself here in the first place). Now that I've spent a lot more time dwelling on this and even had some genuine experience around it, I think I have a clearer picture as to what I want in a femdom/role reversal relationship.

Slight misdirect with the title, I know, but I think this is ultimately still relevant to the context at hand.

I have been, and will likely always be, shy since I was little, so expressing these sorts of feelings doesn't come very naturally to me. I always find that writing things down is a good way to lay things out in a way that really allows me to approach and process it all in a healthy way without getting overwhelmed, and this all can overwhelm me quite quickly.

In truth, I can simply say that I want a relationship where I feel loved.

But that isn't the whole truth because love can manifest itself in different ways.

So femdom and role reversal aren't integral to all of this, I guess? I often think that 'role reversal' is a bit of a misnomer on its own, implying that there's an inherent hierarchy in a romantic relationship, but it does make sense given the context of how societal expectations play into dating and romance. When I say I would like a 'role reversal relationship,' I mostly want a relationship where my partner and I support each other. A relationship with open communication. Someone that I can squeeze and hold, and will do the same for me, so that we can both feel cared for and safe.

And yes, I of course want to be the little spoon, but that's not inherently related to role reversal.

I guess if I had to put it all in one sentence, it would be like this:

"I want a healthy relationship where I can feel safe, but also with someone that will dominate me in bed."

And there's a lot to that which I don't know how to approach. I am not very experienced with relationships, both platonic and romantic sorts. Of course I idolize the idea of a partner who can care for me and take the lead, but there's a lot of baggage with that idea and it's not inherently healthy on its own. Of course I would love a partner who brings home chocolates and flowers just because, but something like that requires more open communication given societal expectations and context. Of course I would be happy to be the househusband with a breadwinner spouse, but that on its own requires a lot of trust, communication, and respect. Every relationship will be different and I truthfully look forward to exploring all of this with my SO.

And of course I would love to held close, held tight, my partner running fingers through my hair, maybe even a collar (just for us at home), words of kindness and affirmation whispered into my ear, but that might take a long time to build and I don't know when that might even be possible with a potential partner.

I want to be able to lift up my SO. I want to show them everything I love in the world and I want them to do the same for me. Life is short and the search for meaningful companionship is draining.

But with my inexperience, I sometimes feel like I might not be as desirable to others. Not explicitly because I'm inexperienced, though. There's a lot around this that I'm generally insecure about, to be quite honest. I feel like I can be clingy, attention starved, touch starved. Kind of a stereotypical puppy boyfriend, but I don't know if that's necessarily good or wanted. There's just a lot and I don't always know how it will manifest in each relationship. I try my best to mitigate it and not be overwhelming to someone new or myself. There's just a lot and it makes me dizzy.

All in all, this is all an evolving process. This is all subject to change.

In short,

I want a healthy relationship, I want to love and be loved, and there is no one right way to do this. ^{Also someone please hold me tight I really need it.}