(For those wanting to know what was inside my deleted post haha)

That's all I want. It's fucked up, I know. But I think if it's something we discuss beforehand it's not really fucked up.

I love the idea of being with someone who knows every thing I crave and loves me even more because of it. Forcing himself on me to consummate our vows on our wedding night. Hitting me, specifically slapping me. I've never been hit before but I want to be. Is that bad? I don't care. I think in the privacy of your bedroom you should be free to show how messed up you are and I want a partner I can be messed up with . I want love and respect and adoration and devotion. I need that. I just also need someone who I don't have to wear some mask around. I want to tell them that I view love in a fucked up way. I see possession and obsession as a manifestation of love. I like knowing that the person I love will do anything to show we belong with and to each other. Never faltering on our commitment to one another. I like the idea of both of us being able to own the other person. I want to be able to hit him too. I want to act crazy too. I want a space where we can be whoever we are. No negative judgements from either of us.

Although I'm 23 I know this type of desire has to be reserved until I find someone I trust and I know respects and adores me first. That foundation is needed because I do know that there are real abusers who take advantage of "kinks" (I call it a lifestyle goal haha). I don't want someone who rapes me because he likes raping women. I don't like the thought of some stranger molesting, breaking, and corrupting me. That doesn't do it for me. I want someone who forces himself on me because I've opened up to him about where my mind goes when I'm alone. Doing it because he loves me and only me. Who does it because he knows it makes my little princess pussy wet and because it makes his cock hard. Telling me the sweetest things while doing the foulest things. This only happening because we trust one another. It makes me feel so good thinking about it. I love reading stories about those who found someone they can be completely transparent with in all ways. It makes me happy. I want that for myself.

Anyway. Just wanted to share some thoughts I've been having lately. I really appreciate finding a place I can express myself in this way. It's cathartic. If anyone has some words of encouragement please feel free to comment or message me :).