For all my idiosyncrasies, I still appreciate kindness the most.

It's nice reconnecting with friends or people who once meant a great deal ( and some who still do) and being treated with care. Interacting with people who see you as a full person and aren't just intrigued by parts of you.

I've missed the gentle words of those I care about. A friend I've had since I was 18 sent me the nicest message after we met up for her birthday. Saying thank you for the day and how content she feels around me plus some other sweet things. I felt so sad reading the words. I'm still not sure why.

Still. I appreciate sweetness. I think about the laughs I've had with my family recently. Sometimes it feels like I'm looking back on memories while in the moment. I think it's because the moments are so enjoyable. They stand out, the type of moments you reflect on later on because you felt so good at the time.

Today I got to talk with someone very sweet. Probably the only person outside of family who has never been unkind to me. My comfort person for sure. The person my mind runs to when I need some softness and someone who sees how weak and fragile I am and doesn't try to unseen it. It makes me so happy to still receive kindness even when I've done things I'm not proud of, or even when I feel disappointed in myself.

I feel like the older I get, I kind of also become more immature. Or like I lose sight of what I know is correct in terms of handling my emotions. I don't know why.

Still. I love the sweetness I receive even if sometimes it's hard to accept. I want to be kind and calm today. I feel like I've been crazy for a little while now and I don't like it. It doesn't feel good if I don't feel safe. There's nothing good that comes out of craziness that is drawn out of restlessness or insecurity. If I don't feel kindness attached to what I do or who I show myself to, there's no point. It's hard to be strict with myself once I've finally let loose, but it feels so much better to give and show myself to kind people.

I hope all the sweet people meet each other and show all the kindness needed.