My dad is the reason for all my villain lore. Ahahahahaha. It's why I'm fucked up like this.

I'm sitting here in my room, having a near psychotic breakdown just because everytime I eat with my family, they say the most useless shit. They pick on you and say the most scathing narcissistic shit, and continue to verbally torment and abuse you. Kahit nananahimik ka lang. They are the reason why I'm fucked up. Siguro kasi nagmana ako sa kanila hahahahahaha.

I started self-harming when I was little when I realized my parents never really loved me for me. They only loved me when I was a child according to their unfulfilled destinies. I started self-harming because I hated the family blood that was in my veins. I hated my body and my face because I saw them in it.

They're the kind of people who would use the bare minimim shit para isumbat sayo. "Pinapakain ka namin," malamang, tanga. Should I be grateful for something you're supposed to be doing anyways? I mean if makikipagkantutan ka tapos pipiliin mo magkaanak, hindi ba dapat tinanggap mo na yon? Ultimo allowance sa school kailangan ko pa maglupasay para lang matanggap ko, that's why I learned and tried to be independent so I can unlearn all the shitty and hurtful things you told me.

Ever since I was a child, I was never enough. Even if my quizzes were nearly perfect and my grades were flawless, you still managed to find my mistakes. Even if I endured traumatizing nights where I never got the freedom to live my childhood as a child and play normally like the other kids, just so I could answer all the hard mathematical worksheets despite your verbal abuse, I was never enough. I always had something I lacked. Ever since I am born, I feel like I am an unwanted child. It's why I want to kill myself every fucking day I am here.

Oh by the way, these are the same people who go to church on Sundays who believe that God will redeem them, so they get a free pass to sin by cursing everyone around them, including their children. Because God will forgive them anyway, right? God will forgive them even if they sin. God will forgive them even if they abuse their children.

Honor your father and mother, my ass. Why should I honor them if they're undeserving of respect? These are the people who don't give a fuck about people beyond their own understanding. They're the kind of people I loathe the most. The kind of people who would eat at Mcdonalds just because it's convenient even if there's a genocide happening out there. They're the kind of people who give money to streetchildren infront of other people but judge them when the doors are closed. "Asti, study hard so you don't become like them."

I hate them all my life. I never asked to be born. Because if living meant enduring all the godforsaken shit they say and do, then I don't want to live at all.

Alam mo yung sinasabi nila na children can hate their parents, but parents can never hate their child? That's not true, because in the first place, I was never their child. I was merely the mistake they had to atone.

Fuck you, you sorry excuse of a father. I hope you live miserably because all you bring is misery to the people around you . I hope I never testified for you nung kinasuhan ka ng kapitbahay namin. Even if most of it was fabricated, I was coerced to stand in court even if I didn't want to. I silently wished for you to get jailed just so that I could get a sliver of a peaceful life. I regretted doing that for you everytime you fucking open your mouth and act and speak like the narcissist you are.

I hate myself so much because I was born from the likes of you. I hate you because you never were a father to me.